A boy is about to go on his first date, and is nervous about what
to talk about. He asks his father for advice.

The father replies: “My son, there are three subjects that always
work. These are food, family, and philosophy.”

The boy picks up his date and they go to a soda fountain. Ice cream
sodas in front of them, they stare at each other for a long time,
as the boy’s nervousness builds.

He remembers his father’s advice, and chooses the first topic.

He asks the girl: “Do you like spinach?” She says “No,” and the
silence returns.

After a few more uncomfortable minutes, the boy thinks of his
father’s suggestion and turns to the second item on the list. He
asks, “Do you have a brother?” Again, the girl says “No” and there
is silence once again.

The boy then plays his last card. He thinks of his father’s advice
and asks the girl the following question: “If you had a brother,
would he like spinach?”

hree old ladies were sitting side by side in their retirement
home reminiscing. The first lady recalled shopping at the green
grocers and demonstrated with her hands, the length and thickness
of a cucumber she could buy for a penny.

The second old lady nodded, adding that onions used to be much
bigger and cheaper also, the demonstrated the size of two big
onions she could buy for a penny a piece.

The third old lady remarked,”I can’t hear a word your’re saying,
but I remember the guy your’re talking about.”

12. Ahhh! Yoda’s little friend you seek!

11. Urm. Put a shield on my saber I must.

10. Feel the force!

9. Foreplay, cuddling. A Jedi craves not these things.

8. Down here I am. Find a ladder I must!

7. Do me or do me not, there is no try.

6. Early must I rise. Leave now you must!

5. You know, this would be a lot more fun without Frank Oz’s hand
up my ass.

4. Happens to every guy sometimes this does.

3. When 900 years old you get, Viagra you need too, hmmmm?

2. Ow, ow, OW! On my ear you are!

1. Who’s your Jedi Master? Who’s your Jedi Master?