Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

Bob stood over his tee short on the 18th hole for what seemed like forever. He’d waggle, look down, look up, but never start his backswing. Finally David, his playing partner, asked, “Why on Earth are you takingso long to make this shot?”"My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse, and I want to make this shot a good one,” said Bob.”Good Lord,” said David, “you haven’t got a chance of hitting her from here.”

A rural Frenchman was on trial for killing his wife whenhe found her with a neighbor. Upon being asked why he shother instead of her lover, he replied,”Ah, m’sieur, is it not better to shoot a woman once than adifferent man every week?”