A man is wracked with doubts about his wife. He is almost certain she is seeing another man, but he loves her deeply.

On the eve of going on a three day business trip, he secretly meets with the young boy next door and asks him to spy on his wife for him.

The little boy is excited with this assignment and agrees.

When the man returns he nervously asks the little boy to tell him what went on. He notices the boy’s leg is in plaster, but he is more concerned about his wife.

“Well,” says the little boy, “The evening after you left, a man came to the door, so I hid in the garden and watched. I saw the light go on in the bedroom, so I climbed your big tree to see in! They were both in there together.”

“What happened then?” the man asks close to mortal grief.

“I don’t know, she closed the curtains.” says the little boy.

“And the second night?”

“Well, then another, different man called.” said the little boy, “Much the same thing happened. From the tree I saw your wife and the man sit on the bed!”

“And then what happned?” the guy asks, tears coming to his eyes.

“I don’t know,” said the little boy, “your wife put out the light.”

“And last night?” the man asks.

“Last night BOTH men came to your house, and both of them and your wife went upstairs to the bedroom. I saw all of them climb into bed!”

“MY GOD! What happened then!?” the man shrieks

“I don’t know, I fell out of the tree and had to crawl back to my own house to get a doctor.”

“DAMN!” roars the man, tearing at his hair, “Will I NEVER be free of these crippling doubts!”

Why do men want to marry virgins?
They can’t stand criticism

What’s the fastest way to a man’s heart?
Through his chest with a sharp knife.

What are two reasons why men don’t mind their own business?
1. No mind. 2. No business.

Why do men name their penises?
Because they want to be on a first-name basis with the person who makes all their decisions.

Why is it so hard for women to find men that are sensitive, caring, and good-looking?
Because those men already have boyfriends.

What is a man’s view of safe sex?
A padded headboard.

How do men sort their laundry?
“Filthy” and “Filthy but Wearable”.

How can you tell soap operas are fictional?
In real life, men aren’t affectionate out of bed.

What should you give a man who has everything?
A woman to show him how to work it!

Why don’t men have mid-life crises?
They stay stuck in adolescence!

How is being at a singles bar different from being at the circus?
At the circus the clowns don’t talk!

What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?
The same urge that makes dogs chase care they have no intention of driving!

Why do batchelors like smart women?
Opposites attract

Why are husbands like lawn mowers?
They’re hard to get started, emit foul odours and don’t work half the time!

Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
Breasts don’t have eyes

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
ONE….. Men will screw anything

Why are blond jokes so short?
… So men can remember them

…, scientists have demonstrated that if we drink 1 liter of water each day, at the end of the year we would have absorbed more than 1 kilo of Escherichia coli (E. coli) bacteria found in feces. In other words, we are consuming 1 kilo of Poop.

However, we do not run that risk when drinking wine (or rum, whiskey, beer or other liquor) because alcohol has to go through a purification process of boiling, filtering and/or fermenting.

Remember:

Water = Poop
Wine = Health
Therefore, it’s better to drink wine and talk stupid, than to drink water and be full of dung.

There’s no need to thank me for this valuable information; I’m doing it as a public service.