What’s the difference between a paycheck and a husband?
A wife will blow your Paycheck!

There are two lines for men waiting to enter the pearly gates of
Heaven. One line is marked for men who have been dominated by
their wives. This line is huge and extends for miles and miles.
The second line is marked for men who have dominated their wives.
In that line is standing one meek-looking man.
St. Peter walks up to the man and says, “Excuse me, are you
supposed to be in this line?”
The meek little man responds, “I think so, my wife told me to
stand here.

A man inserted an ‘ad’ in the classified: “Wife wanted”.
Next day he received a hundred letters.
They all said the same thing:
“You can have mine.”

How do most men define marriage?
An expensive way to get laundry done for free.

First guy (proudly): “My wife’s an angel!”
Second guy: “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

The bumper sticker read: “I lost 250 pounds in one day,
I divorced her.”

Then there was a man who said, “I never knew what real happiness
was until I got married; and then it was too late.”

A little boy asked his father, ‘Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?”
And the father replied,
“I don’t know son, I’m still paying.”

The last fight was my fault.
My wife asked, “What’s on the TV?”
I said, “Dust!”

–Rosie A young couple got married and left on their honeymoon.

When they got back, the bride immediately called her mother.

“Well,” said her mother,”so how was the honeymoon?”

“Oh, mama,” she replied, “the honeymoon was wonderful! So romantic…
“Suddenly she burst out crying.”But, mama,as soon as we returned
Sam started using the most horrible language -things I’d never heard
before! I mean, all these awful 4-letter words! You’ve got to come
get me and take me home…PLEASE MAMA!”

“Sarah, Sarah,” her mother said, “calm down! Tell me, what could be
so awful? WHAT 4-letter words?”

“Please don’t make me tell you, mama,” wept the daughter, “I’m so
embarrassed- they’re just too awful! COME GET ME, PLEASE !!!

“Darling, baby, you must tell me what has you so upset… Tell your
mother these horrible 4-letter words!”

Still sobbing, the bride said, “Oh, mama…words like: Dust, Wash,
Iron, Cook …

“I’ll pick you up in ten minutes,” said the mother