After you throw up, you feel better.
You can throw up whenever you want.
When you throw up, you don’t have to wait in line.
Throw-up is always warm.
You don’t have to sneak throw-up out of the cafeteria.
When you’re throwing up, a bent spoon is an advantage.
You can lose weight throwing up.
You don’t have to pay to throw up.
Throw-up is SUPPOSED to look like that.
When you throw up, you don’t have to come back for seconds.
You don’t have to throw up everyday.
Throwing up can never cause you to eat dorm food afterward.
You can throw up without a photo ID.
Throw-up is organic and biodegradable.
They don’t ration throw-up.
After you throw up, at least you know what you’ve eaten.
Plastic throw-up is funny. Plastic dorm food is redundant.
You don’t have to throw up the same thing five days in a row.
A dog will eat throw-up.
After you throw up, at least there’s some taste in your mouth.

It’s better for girls to be single but not for boys. Boys need someone to clean up after them

Men: know what they want to be doing five years down the road.
Guys: are not sure what they want to be doing later tonight.

Men: read Crichton, watch Rather, play golf.
Guys: read King, watch Seinfeld, play poker.

Men: wear ties with stripes, shirts with buttons, and shoes with laces.
Guys: wear high school T-shirts they’ve actually owned since high school.

Men: think perfume (yours) is a turn-on.
Guys: think sweat (theirs) is a turn-on.

Men: balance their checkbooks.
Guys: balance their loans so that they never hit up the same buddy twice in a row.

Men: claim to be feminist but still insist on opening doors, driving, and paying for dinner.
Guys: claim to be feminists so they can let YOU open doors, drive, and pay for dinner.

Men: are afraid of becoming their fathers.
Guys: are afraid of becoming men.

Men: put you on the phone when their mothers call.
Guys: pretend you’re not there when their moms call.

Men: start their own businesses.
Guys: quit their jobs.

Men: are experts on women’s erogenous zones.
Guys: are experts on their own erogenous zone.

Men: order wine based on more than the price.
Guys: bring their own beer.

1. I want to melt in your mouth, not in your hand.
Can I borrow a quarter? ["What for?"] I want to call my mom and tell her I just met the girl of my dreams. OR: I want to call your mother and thank her.

2. Is your daddy a thief? ["No."] Then how did he steal the sparkle of the stars and put it in your eyes? [Watch for those yes answers]

3. You’re so hot you melt the plastic in my underwear.

4. Would you be my love buffet? So I can lay you out on the table and take what I want?

5. Let’s go to my place and do the things I’ll tell everyone we did anyways.

6. The word of the day is “legs”. Let’s go back to my place and spread the word.

7. Do your legs hurt from running through my dreams all night?

8. That outfit would look great in a crumpled heap on my bedroom floor tomorrow morning.

9. My name’s [your name]. That’s just so you know what to scream.

10. My name’s [your name], but you can call me “lover”.

11. Nice shoes. Wanna have sex??

12. Can I flirt with you?

13. Your daddy must have been a baker, ’cause you’ve got a nice set of buns.

14. [Look at her/her shirt label. When they say, "What are you doing?":] Checking to see if you were made in heaven. OR: Checking to see if you’re the right size.

15. All those curves, and me with no brakes.

16. If I told you you had a beautiful body, would you hold it against me? or…(my favorite)…. , would you hold me against it?

17. I like every muscle in your body, especially mine.

18. [Grab his/her tush.] Pardon me, is this seat taken?

19. Is it hot in here or is it just you?

20. Can I have directions? ["To where?"] To your heart. [Cheese alert!]

21. If I could rearrange the alphabet, I’d put U and I together.

22. How about you sit on my lap and we’ll see what pops up? OR: Why don’t you sit on my lap and we’ll talk about the first thing that pops up.

23. Do you know what looks good on you? Me.

24. I miss my teddy bear. Would you sleep with me?

25. So.. How am I doin’?

26. How about you and I go back to my place and get out of these wet clothes?

27. [Tap your thigh.] You just think this is my leg.
Is this your broom, you know the one you used to sweep me off my feet.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.

Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

Submitted by: Eleven

-Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence (a life sentence!).

-Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet music is over, the strings are attached.

-Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore,marriage is an institution for the blind.

-Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his Bachelor’s Degree and the woman gets her Masters.

-Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman’s finger and two under the man’s eyes.

-Marriage certificate is just another word for a work permit.

-Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries inherited forever.

-Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of “RINGS” :
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring

-Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they BOTH speak and the NEIGHBORS
listen.

-It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

-Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

-It’s true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get MARRIED!

-There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

-A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

-Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don’t know son, I’m still paying for it.
Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn’t know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, EVERYWHERE!

-There was a man who said, “I never knew what happiness was until I got married…and then it was too late!”

-Love is one long sweet dream, and marriage is the alarm clock.

-They say when a man holds a woman’s hand before marriage, it is love; after marriage, it is self-defense.

-When a newly married man looks happy, we know why. But when a ten-year married man looks happy, we wonder why.

-There was this lover who said that he would go through hell for her. They got married, and now he is going through HELL.

SO ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO GO THROUGH IT?

A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, “Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids.”

|A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses… one for each year of her life.That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

A man sat quietly reading his morning paper one Sunday morning. Suddenly, he is knocked almost senseless by his wife, who stands behind him holding a frying pan in her hand.

Man: “What was that for?”

Wife: “Why do you have a piece of paper in your pocket with “Daisy” written on it?”

Man: “Oh honey, don’t you remember two weeks ago when I went to the horse races? Daisy was the name of the horse I bet on.”

The wife was satisfied, and apologized for hitting him.

Three days later he is again sitting reading the paper when once again he is bonked on the head.

Man: “What’s that for this time?”

Wife: “Your horse called.”