“WHAT IF DR. SEUSS DID TECHNICAL WRITING”

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has
an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data
is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s
hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets
want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by
the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the
side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as
a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ’cause
as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to
flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn
off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.

A famous admiral and an equally famous general were fishing together when a sudden squall came up. When it died down both eminent warriors were struggling helplessly in the water.The admiral floundered his way back to the boat and pulled himself painfully in. Then he fished out the general, using an oar.Catching his breath, he puffed: “Please don’t say a word about this to anyone. If the Navy found I can’t swim I’d be disgraced.”Don’t worry,” the general said. “Your secret is safe. I’d hate to have my men find out I can’t walk on water.”

Top Ways The Army Is Trying To Boost Recruiting8. Military transport flights now earn you Delta frequent flier miles 7. Where else can you shoot guns and get awakened in the middle of the night by loud explosions besides New York, Chicago and Detroit? 6. Get rid of all those creepy “Richard Simmons Wants You” posters 5. Intelligence spy satellite may be used to watch television 24 hours a day 4. Superiors may now be addressed as “Dude” 3. Make it so every hand grenade has a creamy nougat center 2. Next mission: all-out invasion of Temptation Island 1. New slogan “Army of One” replaces “Hope You Like Scrubbing Latrines!”

The soldier serving in Hong Kong was annoyed and upset when his girl wrote breaking off their engagement and asking for her photograph back.He went out and collected from his friends all the unwanted photographs of women that he could find, bundled them all together and sent them back with a note saying, “I regret to inform you that I cannot remember which one is you — please keep your photo and return the others.”

A husband and wife are on a nudist beach when suddenly awasp buzzes into the wife’s business end. Naturally enough,she panics.The husband is also quite shaken but manages to put a coaton her, pull up his shorts and carries her to the car. Then hemakes a mad dash to the doctor. The doctor, after examiningher, says that the wasp is too far in to remove with forceps sohe says to the husband that he will have to try and entice it outby putting honey on his penis and withdrawing as soon as hefeels the wasp.And so the honey is smeared, but because of his wife’sscreaming and his frantic dash to the doctor and the generalpanic, he just can’t rise to the occasion. So the doctor sayshe’ll perform the deed if the husband and wife don’t object.Naturally both agree for fear the wasp will do any damage, sothe doctor quickly undresses, smears the honey on andinstantly gets an erection, at which time he begins to plug thewife. Only he doesn’t stop and withdraw but continues withvigour.The husband shouts, “What the hell’s happening?” To whichthe doctor replies, “Change of plan. I’m going to drown thebastard!!!

Two men were boasting to each other about their old army days.

“Why, my outfit was so well drilled,” declared one, “that when they presented arms all you could hear was slap, slap, click.”

“Very good,” conceded the other, “but when my company presented arms you’d just hear slap, slap, jingle.”

“What was the jingle?” asked the first. “Oh,” replied the other offhand, “just our medals.”

Prisoner: Look here, doctor! You’ve already removed my spleen, tonsils, adenoids, and one of my kidneys. I only came to see if you could get me out of this place!

Doctor: I am, bit by bit.

A man, seeking to lose some of his excess weight, visited the local doctor.

John: How can I lose twelve pounds of ugly fat?

Doctor: Of course! Cut your head off.

Trish: My stomach is getting awfully big, doctor.

Doctor: You should diet.

Trish: Really? What color?

Patient: Doctor, what I need is something to stir me up; something to put me in a fighting mood. Did you put something like that in this prescription?

Doctor: No need for that. You will find that in your bill.