Four surgeons were sitting around discussing whothey like to operate on.

The first surgeon said, “I like operating on librarians. When you open them up everything is in alphabetical order”.

The second surgeon said, “I like operating on accountants. When you open them up everything is in numerical order”.

The third surgeon said, “I like operating on electricians. When you open them up everything is color coded.

The fourth surgeon said, “I like operating on lawyers”.

The other three surgeons looked at each other indisbelief. One of them asked why.

The fourth surgeon replied, “Because they are heartless, gutless, spineless, and their ass and head are interchangeable”.

George Bush is sat in the oval office one morning, reviewing the Iraq situation with his generals. The door opens, an aide walks in….”Bad news Im afraid ,Mr President…we have just had word that 3 Brazilian soldiers have been killed in Iraq”

President Bush drops to his knees and puts his face in his hands…and starts sobbing with grief….absolutely inconsolable…the President seems to have taken the news incredibly badly……All the assembled generals can hear from the president is a mumbled “oh my god …oh my god….”

Eventually, Bush looks up to Dick Cheney through teary eyes from where he is kneeling and asks…..”Exactly how many is a brazillion,Dick?”

A 75 year old man went to his doctor’s office to get a sperm count. The doctor gave the man a jar and said, “Take this jar home and bring me back a sample tomorrow.”

The next day the 75 year old man reappears at the doctor’s office and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as the previous day.

The doctor asked what happened and the man explains:

“Well, doc, it’s like this: First I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand, with nothing. Then her left, but nothing. She even tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with the teeth out, and still nothing. We even called up the lady next door and she tried with both hands and her mouth too, but nothing.”

The doctor was shocked! “You asked your neighbor?”

The old man replied, “Yep, but no matter what we tried we couldn’t get the DAMN jar open!”