Mine eyes have seen the Teletubby
And his cutesy little purse.
He wears a purple outfit,
And, dear friends, what’s even worse,
He doesn’t scratch or spit or belch,
He doesn’t even curse.
What kind of guy is he?

CHORUS

Tinky Winky is a fairy.
Moral Morons must be wary.
Ignorance like theirs is scary.
And Tinky Winky’s gay.

I have seen his little triangle
Where it sits upon his head,
And we all know it’s a symbol
For the shame that can’t be said.
Now we have to purge this danger
Or our little boys will wed
A wife whose name is Ed.

CHORUS

His defenders say his purse is nothing
But a magic little bag.
That’s a cover-up, as we all know,
He’s just a little fag!
We cannot let a Teletubby
Appear in purple drag,
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

Yes, they call him Tinky Winky.
Does that name sound straight to you?
If he weren’t homosexual,
His clothing would be blue!
He’s subversive and perverted,
And his pal’s a Laa-Laa, too.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

We have seen this Tinky Winky
Near the San Francisco bay.
He’s the Marshall of the big parade
They hold on Gay Pride Day.
We’ll all join hands and hold a protest
As we march the Moron way.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

He’s teaching all our 2 year-olds that gayness is no curse.
He is tearing down the fabric of our moral universe.
If left unchecked, our kids may grow up unperverse.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

Jerry Falwell is our hero,
He’s the one to lead the fight.
He has seen the truth and spoken out,
He’ll lead us further right,
Where we will join the multitude
Who just ain’t none too bright.
Moron Morality.

CHORUS

In a quiet Southern village Jerry was born into a haze,
With an anger in his bosom that would last him all his days.
As he works to teach us hatred, let us go and bash some gays.
Moron Morality

* The Law of Common Sense
Never accept a drink from a urologist.

* The Law of Reality
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

* The Law of Self Sacrifice
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

* The Law of Volunteering
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

* The Law of Avoiding Oversell
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

* The Law of Motivation
Creativity is great, but plagiarism is faster.

* Boob’s Law
You always find something in the last place you look.

* Weiler’s Law
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn’t have to do it himself.

* Law of Probable Dispersal
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

* Law of Volunteer Labor
People are always available for work in the past tense.

* Conway’s Law
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

* Iron Law of Distribution
Them that has, gets.

* Law of Cybernetic Entomology
There is always one more bug.

* Law of Drunkenness
You can’t fall off the floor.

* Heller’s Law
The first myth of management is that it exists.

* Osborne’s Law
Variables won’t; constants aren’t.

* Weinberg’s Second Law
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

For lack of a more effective weapon, you find yourself threatening other drivers with the cigarette lighter.

* You exchange your Uzi with laser sighting for a “more serious weapon.”

* You’ve stopped wearing pants in the car to make it easier to moon tailgaters.

* Local Crips now have a hand signal for “Get Off The Road, That Psycho’s Coming!”

* On your license, under “restrictions”, it says, “Valium Required.”

* That Yugo hood ornament on your 4X4 is not *actually* an ornament.

* The only thing that calms you down is your trusty Megadeth CD.

* The need to wring Dr. Laura Schlessinger’s neck is just a bit more urgent than usual.

* You swear more before you get to work than most gangsta rappers do all day.

* You threaten to run over the person in front of you, even though you’re in line for communion.

* The car’s a year old, but you’re already on your fifth horn.

* Your saw blades don’t work, your voice is out of sync with your mouth, and Speed Racer has just beaten you in another race.

* You’ve traded your plastic statue of St. Christopher for one of A.C. Cowlings.

* You’d flash your brights at that slow dumbass Jacob ahead of you if your buggy only had headlights.

* You’ve plowed more pedestrians than Wilt Chamberlain