Recently a tour bus full of senior citizens was traveling along an interstate. Suddenly, an elderly woman in the back screamed and jumped out of her seat. The driver pulled over and headed toward the back of the bus. When the driver got to the woman, he asked what was wrong.

The woman replied, “There’s a man trying to molest me!”

The driver asked the other passengers, but no one had seen anything. The driver turned to the woman and said, “You must have scared off the man when you screamed.”

The woman agreed and returned to her seat. The bus driver resumed driving, but a few miles down the road the same woman, again, screamed and jumped out of her seat. Once again, the driver pulled over and headed to the back of the bus. “What’s wrong now?” asked the driver.

The woman replied, “That man trying to molest me, he’s under my seat!”

The driver looked under the seat, and sure enough there was an old bald guy. The driver said to the man, “Sir, this woman claims that you were trying to molest her.”

The man replies, “No, no, no! I’m just looking for my toupee — I thought I had it twice but it got away both times!”

A 92-year-old man went to the doctor to get a physical.

A few days later, the doctor saw the man walking down the street
with a gorgeous young lady on his arm.

A couple of days later, when the old man had an appointment with the
doctor again, the Doc said, “You’re really doing great, aren’t you?”

The man replied, “Just doing what you said doctor, ‘Get a hot mamma
and be cheerful.’”

The doctor said, “I didn’t say that. I said you got a heart murmur.
Be careful!”

Old Aunt Dora went to her doctor to see what could be done about
her constipation.

“It’s terrible,” she said, “I haven’t moved my bowels in a week.”

“I see. Have you done anything about it?” asked the doctor.

“Naturally,” she replied, “I sit in the bathroom for a half- hour
in the morning and again at night.”

“No,” the doctor said, “I mean do you take anything?”

“Naturally,” she answered, “I take a book.”