When Johnny got arrested, they told him, “Anything you say will be held against you.”

Johnny said, “Claudia Schiffer’s breasts.”

Three Old Ladies at the Ball Game.

This is a detective story so pay close attention!!!

Three lil’ ole ladies are excited about seeing their first Cubs baseball game. They smuggle a bottle of Jack Daniel’s into the ball park. The game is real exciting and they are enjoying themselves immensely mixing the Jack Daniel’s with soft drinks. Soon they realize that the bottle is almost gone and the game has a lot of innings to go.

Based on the given information, what inning is it and how many players are on base?

Answer: It’s the bottom of the fifth and the bags are loaded.

A defense attorney was cross-examining a police officer during a felony trial–it went like this:

Q: Officer, did you see my client fleeing the scene?

A: No sir, but I subsequently observed a person matching the description of the offender running several blocks away.

Q: Officer, who provided this description?

A: The officer who responded to the scene.

Q: A fellow officer provided the description of this so-called offender. Do you trust your fellow officers?

A: Yes sir, with my life.

Q: WITH YOUR LIFE? Let me ask you this then officer–do you have a locker room in the police station–a room where you change your clothes in preparation for your daily duties?

A: Yes sir, we do.

Q: And do you have a locker in that room?

A: Yes sir, I do.

Q: And do you have a lock on your locker?

A: Yes sir.

Q: Now why is it, officer, IF YOU TRUST YOUR FELLOW OFFICERS WITH YOUR LIFE, that you find it necessary to lock your locker in a room you share with those officers?

A: You see sir, we share the building with a court complex, and sometimes defense attorneys have been known to walk through that room . . .

With that the courtroom erupted in laughter, and a prompt recess was called.

****

Maybe you have some quotes of your own, real or fictitious you would like to submit. We’d love to hear from you…