Standing at the edge of the lake, a man saw a woman flailing
about in the deep water. Unable to swim, the man screamed for
help. A trout fisherman ran up. The man said, “My wife is
drowning and I can’t swim. Please save her. I’ll give you a
hundred dollars.”

The fisherman dove into the water. In ten powerful strokes,
he reached the woman, put his arm around her, and swam back
to shore. Depositing her at the feet of the man, the fisherman
said, “Okay, where’s my hundred?”

The man said, “Look, when I saw her going down for the third
time, I thought it was my wife. But this is my mother-in-law.”

The fisherman reached into his pocket and said, “Just my
luck. How much do I owe you?”

A college professor’s going to bed with his wife. He’s not that
tired, so he’s gonna stay awake and read while she goes to sleep.
So he’s reading, and every once in a while he reaches over and
tickles her on the fun spot… “Kitza kitza…”

She says, “Will you stop that! Will you stop reaching over here
and teasing me like that?”

He says, “I’m not teasing you. I’m wetting my fingers so I can
turn the page.”

A woman and her young son were standing in line at the bank
waiting for the next available teller. The little boy was becoming
very irritable and his mother was trying to calm him down. Without
much luck, she said in a fairly loud voice, “If you don’t settle
down right now I will pull your pants down in front of the whole
bank and spank your butt!!!”

With that the little boy announced, “If you spank my butt, I’ll
tell the whole bank that I saw you kissing Daddy’s pee pee.”