THE CREDIT CARD COMMERCIAL THAT NEVER MADE IT ON THE AIR

Cover charge: $15.00
Round of drinks: $23.00
Table dance: $30.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Couch dance and tips: $50.00
A round of shots: $34.00
Another round of drinks: $23.00
Lap Dance and Hand Job: $100.00
Private dance and hotel room: $500.00
Send her on her way and never have to hear her complain:

Priceless

A fireman comes home from work and is all excited. He just
can’t wait to tell his wife the good news about a new system
that they have down at the station.

“Honey!” he says, “you’re not going to believe this! Down at
the station we have this new system and it’s so great. When
Bell #1 goes off we put on all our gear. When Bell #2 goes
off we slide down the pole and jump in the fire truck. When
Bell #3 goes off we speed to the fire in the fire truck.” He
excitedly tells his wife. Triumphantly he says, We’re going
to do the same thing for our sex life! When Bell #1 goes off
we are going to strip naked. When Bell #2 goes off we will
jump into bed. When Bell #3 goes off we will screw our brains
out. Let’s give a test run. OK, ready? “Bell #1!” (they strip
naked) Bell #2!” (they hop into bed) “Bell #3!” (they start
screwing there brains out) a couple of minutes later the wife
starts screaming “Oh, Bell #4! Bell #4!”.

The husband confused says,”Bell #4, What’s that?”

The wife screams “More hose! More hose! Your not reaching the
fire!!!”

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed
that the new program began making unexpected changes to the
accounting rules, limiting access to flower and jewelry applications
that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.

In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs,
such as Romance 9.9 but installed undesirable programs such as
Auto-X 5.0 and NBA 3.0.

Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and HouseCleaning 2.6 simply crashes
the system. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but
to no avail.

Desperate

Dear Desperate,

Keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband
1.0 is an operating system.

Try to enter the command: C:/I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and install Tears
6.2. Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications:
Guilty 3.0 and Flowers 7.0. But remember, overuse can cause Husband
1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, Happyhour 7.0 or Beer 6.1.

Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will create “Snoring Loudly” wave
files.

DO NOT install MotherInLaw 1.0 or reinstall another Boyfriend program.
These are not supported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.

In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. Consider buying
additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend
HotFood 3.0 and Lingerie 5.3.

Tech Support