Be sure to read the response from tech support:

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that
the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
new
space and valuable resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included
in the
product brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialization, where it monitors all other
system
activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Drunken Boys Night 2.5
and
Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the system whenever
selected.

I cannot seem to keep wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run
some
of my other favorite applications. I am thinking about going back to
Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you please help me !!!???

Thanks,
A TROUBLED USER………………………………………..
……………………………………………
Dear TROUBLED USER,

This is a very common problem men complain about, but is mostly due to a

primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife
1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT
program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and designed by it’s creator
to run
everything.

It is unlikely you would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert
back to Girlfriend 7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would
cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once
installed. You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do
this.

Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or Wife 2.0 but end up with
more problems than the original system. Look in your manual under
“Warnings-Alimony/Child support”. I recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and deal
with the
situation.

I suggest installing background application program C:\YES DEAR to
alleviate software augmentation. Having installed Wife 1.0 myself, I
might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General
Partnership Faults (GPFs).

You must assume all responsibility for faults and problems that might
occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to enter
the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of C:\YES DEAR
because ultimately you may have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the
operating system will return to normal. The system will run smoothly as
long as you take the blame for all the GPFs.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high-maintenance. Consider buying
additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I recommend
Flowers 3.1 and Diamonds 2K. Do not, under any circumstances install
Secretary with Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a supported application for
Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause irreversible damage to the operating
system.

Best of Luck,
Tech Support

A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce and
asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?”

She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of
the property with a stream running by.”

“No,” he said, “I mean, what is the foundation of this case?”

“Oh, it’s made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded.

“I mean,” he continued, “what are your relations like?”

“I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s
parents.”

He asked, “Well, do you have a real grudge?”

“No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really
needed one.”

Exasperated, he tried again, “Please, is there any infidelity in your
marriage?”

“Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily
like the music, but the answer to your question is yes.”

“Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?”

“Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than
I do.”

Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a
divorce?”

“Oh, no, I don’t want a divorce.” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a
divorce. My husband does. He says he can’t communicate with me.”

The following letter was forwarded by someone who
teaches at a junior high school in Memphis, Tennessee.
The letter was sent to the principal’s office after the
school had sponsored a luncheon for the elderly. This
story is a credit to all human kind. Read it, soak it in,
and bask in the warm feeling that it leaves you with.

Dear Reyer School:

God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent
senior citizen’s luncheon. I am 84 years old and live at
the county home for the aged. All my people are gone.
It’s nice to know that someone thinks of me.

God bless you for your kindness to an old forgotten lady.
My roommate is 95 and always had her own radio, but
would never let me listen to it, no matter how often or
sweetly I asked. The other day her radio fell and broke
into a lot of pieces. It was awful. She was very upset.
She then asked if she could listen to mine, and I said f–k
you.

Sincerely, Edna Johnston