Two rednecks met in a bar and decided that they weren’t going anywhere
in life so thought they should go to college to get ahead. They hop in
a pickup and drive to the nearest college. While the second one waits
out in the hall, the first goes in to one of the rooms and finds a
professor who advises him to take Math, History, and Logic.

“What’s Logic?” asked the first redneck.

The professor replied, “Let me give you an example: Do you own a
weedeater?”

“I sure do,” grinned the redneck.

“Then I can assume, using logic, that you have a yard,” replied the
professor.

“That’s real good,” the redneck responded in awe.

The professor continued: “Logic will also tell me that since you have
a yard, you also have a house.”

Impressed, the redneck shouts “AMAZIN!”

“And since you own a house, logic dictates that you have a wife.”

“Betty Mae… this is incredible!” (The redneck is catching on.)

“Finally, since you have a wife, logically I can assume that you are
heterosexual,” says the professor.

“You’re absolutely right! Why that’s the most fascinatin’ thing I ever
heard of. I cain’t wait to take this here logic class.”

The first redneck, grinning ear to ear with pride at the new world
opening up to him, walked back into the hallway where his friend is
waiting.

“So what classes are ya takin’?” The friend asked.

“Math, History, and Logic,” replies the first redneck.

“What in tarnation is Logic?” asked his new friend.

“Let me give you an example. Do ya own a weedeater?”

“No,” his friend replied.

“You’re queer, ain’t ya?

You ever said the phrase, “May the force be with y’all.”

You have ever used your light saber to open a bottle of Bud Light.

At least one wing of your X-Wing is primer-colored.

You can easily describe the taste of an ewok.

You have ever had a land-speeder up on blocks in your front yard.

You have ever used the force to get yourself another beer so you
didn’t have to wait for a commercial.

Your father has ever said to you, “Shoot, son come on over to the
dark side…it’ll be a hoot!”

You have ever had your R-2 unit use its self-defense electro-shock
thingy to get the barbecue grill to light up.

Although you had to kill him, you kinda thought Jabba the Hutt
had a pretty good handle on how to treat his women.

If you hear. . . “Luke, I am your father ……………… and
your uncle.”

How do you circumcise a redneck?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

What did the redneck say to the physicist?
“Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?”

You might be a redneck if you….
think that Masturbate is used to catch large fish

You might be a redneck if…
you think KOTEX is a radio station in Cincinnati

You might be a redneck if…
you think testicles are found on an Octopus

You might be a redneck if…
you think an umbilical cord is part of a parachute

You might be a redneck if…
you think Fetus is a character on Gunsmoke

You might be a redneck if…
A diaphragm is a drawing in geometry

You might be a redneck if…
you think Semen is a term for sailors

You might be a redneck if…
you think a G-string is part of a fiddle

YOU MIGHT ME A REDNECK IF…
Your kids call your sister mom

You might be a redneck if…
You think a lesbian is a person from the Middle East

You might be a redneck if…
You think pornography is making records

You might be a redneck if…
You think an erection is when Japanese people vote

You might be a redneck if…
you think a condom is a large apartment complex

You might be a redneck if…
you think Spread Eagle is an extinct bird

You might be a redneck if…
you think a a menstrual cycle has three wheels

You might be a redneck if…
you think the clitoris is a type of flower

You might be a redneck if…
you think a pubic hair is a wild rabbit

WHAT’S A REDNECKS MOST POPULAR PICK UP LINE?
Nice tooth!

HOW DO YOU CIRCUMCISE A REDNECK?
Kick his sister in the jaw.

You might be a redneck if…
you think Asphalt describes ‘blaming it on your butt’