A Carpenter Searching Out His Son…

St. Peter gets fed up with standing at the pearly gates and
giving or denying access to Heaven. St. Peter needed to take
a break, so he noticed Jesus walking by and asked him to watch
the front desk for a bit. Jesus said he’d be happy to. In a
little bit an old man came up to the desk very slowly. Jesus
took out form 85-A/j and started getting the information.
“I’m looking for my son.” the old man says.
“And who are you?” says Jesus.
“I’m his Father; well not really.” says the man.
“Where are you from?” The old man said he was from the
Mediterranean Sea area.
“What did you do in life?”
“I was a carpenter,” was the reply.
Jesus smiled because this was a profession he could relate to.
“Did you have many children?” he asked kindly.
The old man said, “Just one son, and he was unlike any other child
on earth.”
Jesus looked closely at the old man and asked,
“Did anything unusual occur the night he came to you?”
“Oh yes,” the old man said, “There was this incredibly brilliant
star in the sky that lit up all the heavens.”
“And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?” asks Jesus
excitedly.
“He does!” shouts the man Jesus put down the 85-A/j form and holds
out his hands, “Father!”
The old man looked at Jesus with joy on his face and asked,
“Pinocchio??”

Three men of the cloth - a Catholic priest, a Baptist minister and a Rabbi, were counting collections taken during services for the week. They were trying to come up with an equitable way to divide the money between God and themselves.

The priest was the first to speak: “I know what! I’ll draw a line down the middle of the sanctuary, toss the money up in the air, and whatever falls on the right side of the line is for God and whatever falls on the left side is for us”.

The Baptist minister cried, “No! No! No! I’ll draw a circle in the middle of the sanctuary, toss the money up in the air, and whatever falls inside the circle is for God and whatever falls outside the circle is for us”.

The Rabbi then asked the two other men to accompany him outside. There he offered this suggestion: “What I would do with the money is this: Toss it up in the air, and whatever God catches is His and whatever falls on the ground is ours”.

If your cousins put out a rap record and it goes aluminum…. You might be a redneck.