It was the first day of school and a new student, Suzuki, the son of
a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American history.
Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me death?”

She saw a sea of blank faces, except for that of Suzuki, who had
his hand up. “Patrick Henry, 1775,”.

“Very good! “Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people, for
the people shall not perish from the earth’”?

Again, no response except from Suzuki: “Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.
Suzuki,who is new to our country, knows more about its
history than you do.

She heard a loud whisper: “F__king Japanese. “Who said that?” she
demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982,”

At that point, a student in the back sighed, “I’m gonna puke.” The
teacher glares and asks “All right! Now who said that?”
Again, Suzuki says “George Bush to Japanese Prime Minister, 1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah! Suck this!” Suzuki
jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to the
teacher,”Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

There was this old couple who was having trouble remembering things,
so they signed up for a memory course. The course was wonderful. They
went home and told all of their relatives, friends and neighbors about
it. Some months later, a neighbor approached the old man as he tended
the garden.
“Say, Ed, what was the name of the instructor of that memory course
you liked so much?” the neighbor asked.
“Well, it was…hmmm…let me think a minute,” Ed pondered. “What’s
the name of that flower, you know, the one that smells so nice, but
has thorns on the stems?”
“You mean a rose?” the neighbor said.
“Yeah, that’s it!” Ed said. Then shouting toward the house he yelled,
“Hey, Rose, what was the memory course instructor’s name?”

A 2nd grade teacher decides to teach sex ed. to her class. She starts
out by drawing a penis on the chalk board and asks the class, “Does
anyone know what this is?”

And little Johnny says, “Yes, my dad has 2 of them!”

And the teacher says, “Are you sure about that?”

And little Johnny says, “Yes, he uses a small skinny one to go to the
bathroom, and a big long one to brush the babysitter’s teeth.”