In 1993, the American Government funded a study to see why the head
of a man’s penis was larger than the shaft. After one year and
$180,000.00, they concluded that the reason the head was larger than
the shaft was to give the man more pleasure during sex.

After the US published the study, France decided to do their own study.
After $250,000.00, and 3 years of research, they concluded that the
reason was to give the woman more pleasure during sex.

Poland, unsatisfied with these findings, conducted their own study.
After 2 weeks and a cost of around $75.46, they concluded that it was
to keep man’s hand from flying off and hitting him in the forehead.

Little Johnny was busy doing his homework. As his mother approached
she heard: “One and one, the son-of-a-bitch is two.” “Two and two,
the son-of-a-bitch is four.” “Three and three… ”

His mother interrupted, asking where he had learned this way of doing
math. Johnny remarked that his teacher Ms. Clara Jones taught him.

His mother was rather upset and told him to stop the homework. The
next day she stormed into Little Johnny’s classroom and confronted
Ms. Jones. Little Johnny’s mother told Ms. Jones about Johnny’s
different way of doing math and his claims that Ms. Jones taught it
that way to the class.

The teacher was flabbergasted. She said that she couldn’t understand
why Johnny had said what he did. Then suddenly, Ms Jones exclaimed,
“Oh, I know… here in school we say, one and one, the sum-of-which
is two.”

A lady teacher was giving an assignment to her Grade 6 class one
day. It was a large assignment so she started writing high up on
the chalkboard.

Suddenly there was a giggle from one of the male students. She
quickly turned and asked,”What’s so funny Johnny?”

“Well teacher, I just saw one of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom, I don’t want to see you for three days.”
The teacher turns back to the chalkboard.

Realizing she had forgotten to title the assignment; she reaches to
the very top of the chalkboard. Suddenly there is an even louder
giggle from another male student. She quickly turns and asks,”What’s
so funny Billy?”

“Well teacher, I just saw two of your garters.”

“Get out of my classroom, I don’t want to see you for three weeks.”

Embarassed and frustrated, she drops the chalkbrush when she turns
around again. So she bends over to pick it up. This time there is
an all out laugh from another male student. She quickly turns to see
Peter leaving the classroom.

“Where do you think you are going?” she asks.

“Well teacher, from what I just saw, my school days are over.”

On the first day of college, the Dean addressed the
students, pointing out some of the rules:

“The female dormitory will be out-of-bounds for all
male students, and the male dormitory to the female
students. Anybody caught breaking this rule will be
fined $20 the first time.” He continued, “Anybody
caught breaking this rule the second time will be
fined $60. Being caught a third time will cost you
a fine of $180. Are there any questions?”

At this point, a male student in the crowd inquired:
“How much for a season pass?”

Johnny, a 5th grader, came home from school and his mother asks him
what the lesson was that day.

“Sex,” he replied.

“We didn’t study that subject till I was a senior in High School, ”
said his mother. “For lying to me you can go up to your room and stay
there.”

His older sister gets back from school shortly after that time and her
mother mentions this to her.

Her daughter comes back with, “Johnny wasn’t lying. When I was in 5th
grade we had a lesson on sex education. Things have changed since you
were in school.”

Chastened, his Mom said, “I’ll have to apologize to Johnny.” She goes
up to his room and, through the partially open door, sees him
masturbating.

“When you’re through with your homework, you can come down for supper,”
she tells him.

Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had
learned in Sunday School.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out
of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across
safely. The he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters
and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blowup
the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?”
his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did,
you’d never believe it.”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a liberal
Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were
liberal Democrats too.

Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to
be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like
fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone
along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

“Because I’m not a liberal Democrat.”

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

“Why I’m a proud conservative Republican.”, boasts the little girl.

The teacher a little perturbed, her face slightly red, asked Lucy
why she is a conservative Republican.

“Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an
intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My
Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative
Republican too.”

The teacher now angry, loudly said,

“That’s no reason.” “What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad
was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile.

“Then,” says Lucy, “I’d be a liberal Democrat.”

A high-school English teacher reminded her class of the final
exam that would be given the following day. She told the class
that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for
serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate
family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asked, “What
about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class did its best
to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically
at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, “Not an excuse.
You can write with your other hand.”

A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses.

She started her class by saying, “Everyone who thinks you’re stupid,
stand up!”

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said,
“Do you think you’re stupid, Little Johnny?”

“No, ma’am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!”