Nine-year-old Joey was asked by his mother what he had
learned in Sunday School.

“Well, Mom, our teacher told us how God sent Moses behind
enemy lines on a rescue mission to lead the Israelites out
of Egypt. When he got to the Red Sea, he had his engineers
build a pontoon bridge, and all the people walked across
safely. The he used his walkie-talkie to radio headquarters
and call in an air strike. They sent in bombers to blowup
the bridge and all the Israelites were saved.”

“Now, Joey, is that REALLY what your teacher taught you?”
his mother asked.

“Well, no, Mom, but if I told it the way the teacher did,
you’d never believe it.”

A first grade teacher explains to her class that she is a liberal
Democrat. She asks her students to raise their hands if they were
liberal Democrats too.

Not really knowing what a liberal Democrat was, but wanting to
be like their teacher, their hands explode into the air like
fleshy fireworks.

There was, however, one exception. A girl named Lucy has not gone
along with the crowd.

The teacher asks her why she has decided to be different.

“Because I’m not a liberal Democrat.”

Then, asks the teacher, what are you?

“Why I’m a proud conservative Republican.”, boasts the little girl.

The teacher a little perturbed, her face slightly red, asked Lucy
why she is a conservative Republican.

“Well, I was brought up to trust in myself instead of relying on an
intrusive government to care for me and do all of my thinking. My
Dad and Mom are conservative Republicans, and I am a conservative
Republican too.”

The teacher now angry, loudly said,

“That’s no reason.” “What if your Mom was a moron, and your dad
was a moron. What would you be then?”

A pause, and a smile.

“Then,” says Lucy, “I’d be a liberal Democrat.”

A high-school English teacher reminded her class of the final
exam that would be given the following day. She told the class
that there would be no excuse for not showing up, except for
serious injury or illness, or a death in the student’s immediate
family. A smart-ass jock in the back of the room asked, “What
about extreme sexual exhaustion?” The entire class did its best
to stifle their laughter and snickering.

When silence was restored, the teacher smiled sympathetically
at the student, shook her head, and sweetly said, “Not an excuse.
You can write with your other hand.”