Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in
fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila
said, “When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!” Sister Catherine’s
eyes grow wide and she barked, “What did you say?!” “A prostitute!”
Sheila exclaimed. Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and
said “Whew! Thank God! I thought you said ‘A Protestant’!”

A new two year degree is being offered at the Women’s University,
now that it has gone Co-Ed that many of you men should be
interested in: “Becoming a Husband”

That’s right! In just six trimesters, you too can be a great husband
as well as earn an MA degree (Male Arts). Please take a moment to
look over the program outline.
I just know you will want to sign up for this program,
Dean Margaret A. Dolittle

FIRST YEAR

Fall Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 Women Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook I
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What’s Hers is Hers

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a Butt face When You’re Wrong
MEN 121 Understanding Your Incompetence
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex
MEN 123 Reasons to Give Flowers
ECON 001B What Was Yours is Hers

SECOND YEAR

Fall Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake After Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat Down
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Tom Cruise
MEN 230A Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important I

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fanning the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real Men Ask for Directions
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B Her Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly
MEN 231 Mother-in-laws
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening
MEN 233 Just Say “Yes, Dear”
ECON 001C Is it Cheaper to Keep Her

Also recomended for the women, for an MA (Mz Arts) is a similar
program outline. A new two year degree is being offered at the
University that many of you should be interested in: “Becoming a Wife”

That’s right! In just six trimesters, you too can become a great wife
as well as earn an MA degree (Miz Arts). Please take a moment to look
over the program outline.

FIRST YEAR

Fall Schedule:
MEN 101 Combating Stupidity within.
MEN 102 You, Too, Can Do Housework
MEN 103 PMS-Learn When to Keep Your Mouth Shut
MEN 104 Women you Do Not Want Sleazy Under things for Christmas,
Diamonds are better

Winter Schedule:
MEN 110 Wonderful Laundry Techniques
MEN 111 Understanding the Female Response to him Getting in at 4am
MEN 112 Parenting: It Doesn’t End with Conception
EAT 100 Get a Life, Learn to Cook I
EAT 101 Get a Life, Learn to Cook II
ECON 001A What’s His is yours

Spring Schedule:
MEN 120 How NOT to Act Like a spoiled bratt Butt face When You’re
Wrong, when it’s so easy to blame him
MEN 121 Understanding Your own Incompetence, and blaming him.
MEN 122 YOU, the Weaker Sex, use it to your advantage
MEN 123 Reasons to Give gifts
ECON 001B What Was Yours is still yours

SECOND YEAR

Fall Schedule:
SEX 101 You CAN Fall Asleep Without It, stick with the headache story
SEX 102 Morning Dilemma: If It’s Awake, don’t Take a Shower
SEX 103 How to Stay Awake before, during, and after Sex
MEN 201 How to Put the Toilet Seat up, or not
Elective (See Electives Below)

Winter Schedule:
MEN 210 The Remote Control: Overcoming Your Dependency envy
MEN 211 How to Not Act Younger than Your Children
MEN 212 You, Too, Can Be a Designated Driver
MEN 213 Honest, You Don’t Look Like Demi Moore
MEN 230A His Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important I

Spring Schedule:
MEN 220 Omitting %&*! from Your Vocabulary (Pass/Fail Only)
MEN 221 Fanning the Blanket After Farting Is Not Necessary
MEN 222 Real women Ask for Directions, don’t show off by knowing
everything.
MEN 223 Thirty Minutes of him Begging is NOT Considered Foreplay
MEN 230B His Birthdays and Anniversaries Are Important II

Course Electives:
EAT 101 Cooking with Tofu, and what cooking and tofu are.
EAT 102 Utilization of Eating Utensils, silverware vrs plastic
EAT 103 Burping and Belching Discreetly, again don’t showoff in front
of your husband.
MEN 231 Mother-in-laws, let him know that your own Mother is not the
only mother on earth, whether you mean it or not.
MEN 232 Appear to Be Listening, nod once in a while, and say “Yes Dear”
MEN 233 Learn to Just Say “Yes, Dear” and situations where it may
be required
ECON 001C Better to Keep Him, once trained.

Dean Margaret A. Dolittle

It was the first day of school and a new student named Suzuki,
the son of a Japanese businessman, entered the fourth grade.

The teacher said, “Let’s begin by reviewing some American
history. Who said “Give me Liberty, or give me Death?” She
saw a sea of blank faces, except for Suzuki, who had his hand up.

“Patrick Henry, 1775.” He said.

“Very good! Who said ‘Government of the people, by the people,
for the people, shall not perish from the earth’”? Again, no
response except from Suzuki.

“Abraham Lincoln, 1863.”, said Suzuki.

The teacher snapped at the class, “Class, you should be ashamed.
Suzuki, who is new to our country, knows more about its history
than you do.”

She heard a loud whisper: “Screw the Japs.” “Who said that?”
she demanded. Suzuki put his hand up. “Lee Iacocca, 1982.”

At that point, a student in the back said, “I’m gonna puke.”
The teacher glares and asks “All right! Now, who said that?”
Again,Suzuki says, “George Bush to the Japanese Prime Minister,
1991.”

Now furious, another student yells, “Oh yeah? Suck this!”
Suzuki jumps out of his chair waving his hand and shouts to
the teacher, “Bill Clinton, to Monica Lewinsky, 1997!”

Now with almost a mob hysteria someone said, “You little shit.
If you say anything else, I’ll kill you.” Suzuki frantically
yells at the top of his voice, “Gary Condit to Chandra Levy 2001.”

The teacher fainted. And as the class gathered around the teacher
on the floor, someone said, “Oh shit, we’re in BIG trouble!” and
Suzuki said, “The Taliban! 2001.”