Sister Catherine was asking all the Catholic school children in
fourth grade what they want to be when they grow up. Little Sheila
said, “When I grow up, I want to be a prostitute!” Sister Catherine’s
eyes grow wide and she barked, “What did you say?!” “A prostitute!”
Sheila exclaimed. Sister Catherine breathed a sight of relief and
said “Whew! Thank God! I thought you said ‘A Protestant’!”

A few years ago the battery in my beat-up VW Beetle had died
because I left the lights on overnight. I was in a hurry to
get to work on time so I ran into the house to get my wife to
give me a hand to start the car. I told her to get into our
second car, a prehistoric oversized gas guzzler, and use it to
push my car fast enough to start it. I pointed out to her that
because the VW had an automatic transmission, it needed to be
pushed at least 20 mph for it to start.

She said fine, hopped into her car and drove off.

I sat there fuming wondering what she could be doing.

A minute passed by and when I saw her in the rear-view mirror
coming at me at about 30 mph, I realized that I should have been
a bit clearer with my directions.

An English teacher at Iowa State University spent a lot of
time marking grammatical errors in her students’ written work.
She wasn’t sure how much impact she was having until one
overly busy day when she sat at her desk rubbing her temples.

A student asked, “What’s the matter, Ms. Dalton?”

“Tense,” she replied, describing her emotional state.

After a slight pause the student tried again, “What was the
matter? What has been the matter? What might have been the
matter…?”