A father, son and grandson go out to the country club for their weekly round of golf. Just as they reach the first tee, a beautiful young blonde woman carrying her bag of clubs approaches them. She explains that the member who brought her to the club for a round of golf had an emergency, which called him away and asks the trio whether she can join them.

Naturally, the guys all agree. Smiling, the blonde thanks them and says, “Look, fellows, I work in a topless bar as a dancer, so nothing shocks me anymore. If any of you wants, to smoke cigars, have a beer, bet, take a leak, swear or tell off-color stories or do anything that you normally do when playing a round together, go ahead. But I enjoy playing golf, consider myself pretty good at it, so don’t try to coach me on how to play my shots.”

With that the guys agree to relax and invite her to drive first. All eyes are fastened on her shapely behind as she bends to place her ball on the tee. She then takes her driver and hits the ball 270 yards down the middle, right in front of the green.

The father’s mouth is agape. “Christ, that was beautiful,” said the dad.

The blonde puts her driver away and says, “I really didn’t get into it and I should have faded it a little.” After the three guys hit their drives and their second shots (she was closest to the pin) the blonde takes out a nine iron and lofts the ball within five feet of the hole.

The son says “damn, lady, you played that perfectly.” The blonde frowns and says,”it was a little weak. I’ve left a tricky little putt.” After the son buries a long putt for a par, dad too putts for a bogey and granddad overruns the green with his pitching wedge, chips back and putts for a double bogey, the blonde taps in the five-footer for a birdie. The guys all congratulate her on her fine game.

She puts her putter back in the bag and says, “Thanks, but I really haven’t played much lately, and I’m a little rusty. “Maybe I’ll really get into this next drive.” Having the honors she drives first on the second hole and knocks the hell of the ball, and it lands nearly 300 yards away smack out in the middle of the fairway. For the rest of the round the statuesque blonde continues to amaze the guys, quietly and methodically shooting for par or less on every hole. When they get to the 18th green, the blonde is three under par, but has a very nasty 12-foot putt on an undulating green for a par.

She turns to the three guys and says, “I really want to thank you all for not acting like a bunch of chauvinists and telling me what club to use or how to play a shot, but I need this putt for a 69 and I’d really like to break 70 on this course. If any one of you can tell me how to make par on this hole, I’ll take him back to my apartment, pour some 25-year old Jameson’s in him, fix him dinner and then have sex with him the rest of the night.”

The yuppie son jumps at the thought. He strolls across the green, carefully eyes the line of the putt and finally says, “Honey, aim about 6 inches to the right of the hole and hit it firm. It will get over that little hump and break right into the cup.”

The father kneels down and sights the putt using his putter as a plumb. “Don’t listen to the kid, darlin’, you want to hit it softly 10 inches to the right and run it left down that little hogback, so it falls into the cup.”

The old gray haired grandfather walks over to the blonde’s ball on the green, picks it up and hands it to her. “That’s a gimme, sweetheart. Your car or mine?”

A wife begins to get a little worried because her husband has not arrived home on time from his regular Saturday afternoon golf game.

As the hours pass she becomes more and more concerned until, at 8 p.m., the husband finally pulls into the driveway.

“What happened?” asked the wife. “You should have been home hours ago!”

“Gus had a heart attack at the third hole,” replied the husband.

“Oh, that’s terrible,” said the wife.

“I know,” the husband answered. “All day long it was, hit the ball, drag Gus, hit the ball, drag Gus . . . ”

These four men go out to play golf one sunny morning. One is detained in the clubhouse, and the other three are discussing their children while walking to the first tee.

“My son,” says one, “has made quite a name for himself in the home-building industry. He began as a carpenter, but now owns his own design and construction firm. He’s so successful in fact, in the last year he was able to give a good friend a brand new home as a gift.”

The second man, not to be outdone, tells how his son began his career as a car salesman, but now owns a multi-line dealership. “He’s so successful, in fact, in the last six months he gave a friend two brand new cars as a gift.”

The third man’s son has worked his way up through a stock brokerage. And in the last few weeks has given a good friend a large stock portfolio as a gift.

As the fourth man arrives at the tee box, another tells him that they have been discussing their progeny and asks what line his son is in. “To tell the truth, I’m not very pleased with how my son has turned out, he replies. “For fifteen years, he’s been a hairdresser, and I’ve just recently discovered he’s a practicing homosexual. But, on the bright side, he must be good at what he does because his last three boyfriends have given him a brand new house, two cars, and a big pile of stock certificates.”

A jumbo-sized freshman went to try out for the football team. The coach asked him if he could tackle and he said, “Hell yah, get a load of this!”

And with that knocked over a telephone pole as if it were made of balsa wood.

The coach was dumbfounded and asked if the boy could run, to which the boy replied, “Hell yah!” and he sprinted from endzone to endzone like lightning.

The coach stood there with his mouth agape to see such a huge boy run so fast. He finally composed himself and said, “But can you pass a football?”

The freshman stopped to think for a few seconds, then said, “Hell yah, if I can swallow it, I can surely pass it!”

Did you hear about the new Mike Tyson Computer?

It has two bytes and no memory.

Jesus and Moses are playing golf and they’re on the tenth hole. Moses hits the ball and it heads straight for a pond. Just before the ball hits the water, the pond parts and the ball rolls up onto the green. Jesus winds up and hits one about to the same spot. Jesus’ ball hits the water and skips across. All of a sudden, lightning flashes and a ball drops from the sky. A fish swallows it and a bird picks up the fish and drops the ball onto a turtle that walks over to the hole and drops it in. Moses turns to Jesus and says, ”I hate it when your dad plays!”