A man goes to Spain and attends a bullfight. Afterwards he
goes to a nearby restaurant and orders the specialty of the
day. The waiter brings him two very big balls on a huge
plate, which the tourist eats with relish.
The next day he goes to the same restaurant again, once
again orders the specialty of the day, and he is brought
two very big balls on a huge plate. It tastes even more
scrumptious.

The third day he does the same and the fourth, but on the
fifth day he goes to the restaurant and orders the
specialty of the day, and they bring him two very small
balls on a big plate. The man asks, “What gives?”

And the waiter says, “Senor, the bullfighter doesn’t always
win!”

A woman is learning how to golf. She has been teaching herself to play for more than three months and she is really bad. She decides to consult a golf pro. When she sees the golf pro, she explains how bad she is and he tells her to go ahead and hit the ball. She does. The ball goes about 50 yards into the brush slicing to the right. The golf pro says to the woman, “I can see that you have a lot of problems. Your stance is bad, your head is all over the place, and the worst thing is that grip.”
When she asks what can be done to fix the situation, he suggests, “Grab the club gently, as if you were grabbing your husband’s “club”. When the feeling is right, go ahead and swing.” She does just that and the ball goes off the tee perfectly straight for about 275 yards. The golf pro says to the woman, “That is unbelievable, I didn’t think you would do that well. But now on to the next problem. How do we get that golf club out of your mouth?”

Two football players were taking an important final exam. If they failed, they would be on academic probation and not allowed to play in the Sugar Bowl the following week. The exam was fill-in-the-blank. The last question read, “Old MacDonald had a _________.”

Bubba was stumped. He had no idea of the answer. He knew he needed to get this one right to be sure he passed. Making sure the professor wasn’t watching, he tapped Tiny on the shoulder. “Pssst. Tiny. What’s the answer to the last question?”

Tiny laughed. He looked around to make sure the professor hadn’t noticed then he turned to Bubba. “Bubba, you’re so stupid. Everyone knows Old MacDonald had a farm.”

“Oh yeah,” said Bubba. “I remember now.” He picked up his No. 2 pencil and started to write the answer in the blank. He stopped. Reaching to tap Tiny’s shoulder again, he whispered, “Tiny, how do you spell farm?”

“You are really dumb, Bubba. That’s so easy. Farm is spelled E-I-E-I-O.”

Anaheim Mighty Duck super star, Teemu Selanne, had never had his father see him play professional hockey. He was thrilled to have his father visit him recently to watch him play.

In honor of the occasion, his good friend, Mikkail Shtalenkov, arranged a special banquet at the renowned local Scandinavian restaurant, Gustav Anders, where noted chef, Anders Strandberg, prepared a gourmet dinner of the Selanne抯 favorite Finnish dishes.

In addition to the entire Mighty Ducks team and staff, Disney and Orange County dignitaries attended with the entire tab being picked up by the Duck goalie. It was a huge success. The Orange County Register reported the next day that it was certainly a dinner worthy of the father, the son and the goalie host.

A man was about to tee off on the golf course when he felt a tap on his shoulder and a man handed him a card that read, “I am a deaf mute. May I play through, please?”

The first man angrily gave the card back, and communicated that “No, he may NOT play through, and that his handicap did not give him such a right.”

The first man whacked the ball onto the green and left to finish the hole.

Just as he was about to put the ball into the hole he was hit in the head with a golf ball, laying him out cold.

When he came to a few minutes later, he looked around and saw the deaf mute sternly looking at him, one hand on his hip, the other holding up 4 fingers.

Two hunters were dragging their dead deer back to their car. Another hunter approached pulling his along too.

“Hey, I don’t want to tell you how to do something … but I can tell you that it’s much easier if you drag the deer in the other direction. Then the antlers won’t dig into the ground.”

After the third hunter left, the two decided to try it.

A little while later one hunter said to the other, “You know, that guy was right. This is a lot easier!”

“Yeah, but we’re getting farther from the truck,” the other added.

“Look, Bobby,” the coach said, “you know the principles of good sportsmanship. You know the Little League doesn’t allow temper tantrums, shouting at the umpire, or abusive language.”

“Yes, sir, I understand.”

“Good, Bobby. Now. would you please explain that to your mother.

This husband and wife were playing on the ninth green when she collapsed from a heart attack.

“Please dear, I need help!” she said.

The husband ran off saying, “I’ll go get some help.”

A little while later he returned, picked up his club and began to line up his shot on the green. His wife, on the ground, raised up her head and said, “I’m may be dying and you’re putting?!?”

“Don’t worry dear. I found a doctor on the second hole who said he come and help.”

“The second hole? When in the hell is he coming?” she gasped in pain.

“Hey ! I told you not to worry,” he said, as he practiced stroking his putt. “Everyone’s already agreed to let him play through.”

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Top 10 Suggestions For Men While Playing Golf or Using A Urinal

10. Back straight, knees bent, and feet shoulder width apart.
9. Form a loose grip.
8. Keep your head down.
7. Avoid a quick backswing.
6. Quiet please!…while others are preparing to take their shot.
5. Stay out of the water.
4. Try not to hit anyone.
3. If you are taking too long, please let others go ahead of you.
2. Don’t stare while others address their balls.

And the #1 suggestion for guys while playing golf or using
a urinal….

Don’t let anyone see you take those extra strokes!