There were these three guys at a football game and it just so happened that they were sitting behind three nuns. They couldn’t see really well over their habits, so one of the guys says, “Man, I wish I lived in Ohio, there’s only 25 Catholics there.” One of the other guys says, “Well, I wish I lived in Idaho because there is only 20 Catholics there.” Then the last guy says, “Well, I wish I lived in Oregon there are only 15 Catholics there. Then one of the nuns turns around and says, “Why dont you go to hell — there are no Catholics there!”

Q: These days, what do you need to shoot to win a professional golf tournament?
A: Tiger Woods.

Three men gathered together for a round of golf on Mother’s Day. The men were quite surprised at being “let go” for the day, and each wanted to know how the other got away from their wife.

The first man said, “I purchased a dozen red roses for my wife, and she was so happy that she let me go.”

The second man said, “I purchased a diamond ring for my wife, and she was so thrilled with me that she let me go.”

The third man said, “I woke up this morning, rolled over, looked at my wife, and said to her: `Golf course or inter-course,’ and she said: I’ll put your clubs in the car.’”