Two hunters shot a deer, and were dragging him to the car by the hind leg, which was difficult because the other legs kept snagging in the brush. “Chet, I’ve got an idea, I think we are doing this wrong. Let’s try dragging him by the horns, like we were advised by the ammo store salesman.”

“OK,” says Ivan.

After a while, Ivan says, “I think this is a lot better because his legs fold up and don’t get caught in the brush, but we seem to be getting farther from the car.”

•What do you call a skydiver with no girlfriend?
Homeless
•What’s the difference between God and Skydivers?
God does not think he is a SKYDIVER!
•What do you call an all-blonde skydiving team?
A new version of the Lawn Darts game.
•What kind of crazy bird yells “Polly wants a cracker” when he jumps from an airplane?
A parrot trooper.
•What do you call a skydiver with no arms and no legs??
Give up?…..It’s Mark!!
And what was the name of his dog??
It’s Spot!
•Why do birds sing ?
They don’t have to pack when they’ve landed!
•What do you call a beautiful, sunny day that comes after two cloudy, rainy ones?
Monday.
•What’s the difference between a skydiver and a golfer?
A golfer goes “[WHACK] … Oh shit!”. A skydiver goes “Oh shit! … [WHACK]”
•How can you tell a good 4-way team from a bad 4-way team?
A good 4-way team going in sounds like “[WHACK]“.
A bad 4-way team goes “[WHACK] … [WHACK][WHACK] … [WHACK]”

Robert goes golfing every Saturday. One Saturday, he comes home three hours late. His wife asks him, “What took you so long?”
The guy says, “That was the worst game of golf I’ve ever had. We got up to the first tee, and Charlie hit a hole-in-one and immediately dropped dead of a heart attack.”
The guy’s wife says, “That’s terrible!”
The guy says, “I know. Then, for the rest of the game, it was hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie, hit the ball, drag Charlie. . .”