A white man, a black man and an Arab were standing around
bragging about the size of their families.

The white man boasted, “I have 4 boys and my wife is expecting
another — Five boys … I will have a basketball team!”

The black man, not to be outdone, said, “That’s nothing! I
have 10 boys now, and my wife is pregnant with another son –
that will make 11… I will have a football team!!”

The Arab, looked at both of them and screamed out, “You both
should be ashamed of yourselves! I have 17 wives.”

“One more and I will have a golf course.”

The Englishman, Welchman and Irishman were trying to sneak into the
Olympic Village in Atlanta to get souvenirs and autographs.

The first says, “Let’s watch the registration table to see if there’s
a crack in the security system that we can utilize to scam our way in.”

Immediately, a burly athlete walks up to the table and states,
“Angus MacPherson, Scotland. Shotput.” He opens his bym bag to display
a shotput to the registration attendant.

The attendant says, “Very good, Mr. MacPherson, here’s your packet of
registration materials, complete with hotel keys, passes to all Olympic
events, Meal Tickets and other information.”

HOT DOG!

The Englishman grabs a small tree sapling, strips off the limbs and
roots, walks up to the registration table and states:
“Chuck Wagon, Canada. Javelin.”

Just then, they spotted the Irishman walking with a roll of barbed wire
under his arm. He walked up to the registration table and said,
“Paddy Doherty, Ireland. Fencing”

After a 2 year study, the National Science Foundation has
determined the following results about corporate America’s
recreational activities.

The sport of choice for unemployed or jailed people is BASKETBALL.
The sport of choice for maintenance employees is BOWLING.
The sport of choice for line workers is FOOTBALL.
The sport of choice for Supervisors is BASEBALL.
The sport of choice for Middle Management is TENNIS.
And finally, the sport of choice for Upper Management is GOLF.

CONCLUSION :

That the higher you are in the corporate structure, the smaller
your balls become.

There are three golfers, (Bob, Max and Ted) who are looking for a
fourth. Bob mentions that his friend George is a pretty good golfer,
so they decide to invite him for the following Saturday.

“Sure, I’d love to play,” says George, “but I may be about ten minutes
late, so wait for me.”

Come Saturday the original three arrive promptly at 9 and find George
already waiting for them. He plays right-handed and beats them all.
Quite pleased with their new fourth, they ask him if he’d like to play
again the following Saturday.

“Yeah, sounds great,” says George. “But I may be about 10 minutes late
so wait for me.”

The following Saturday they all arrive and find George already there.
But this time George plays left-handed, and still beats them all. As
they get ready to leave, George says, “I’ll see you all next Saturday,
but I may be 10 minutes late so wait for me.”

Every week George is right on time and plays great with whichever hand
he decides to use. And every week he departs with the same message.
After a couple of months, Ted is pretty tired of this routine, so he
says, “Wait a minute George. Every week you say you may be 10 minutes
late and you are always on time, then you beat us either right or left
handed. What’s the story?”

“Well,” George says, “I’m kinda superstitious, When I get up in the
morning, I look at my wife, if she is sleeping on her left side, I
play left handed, and if she’s sleeping on her right, I play right
handed.”

“So what do you do if she is sleeping on her back?” Bob asks. “Then
I’m 10 minutes late,” George replies.

A golfer and his buddies were playing a big round of golf for
$200. At the eighteenth green the golfer had a ten foot putt
to win the round, and the $200.

As he was lining up his putt, a funeral procession started
to pass by. The golfer set down his putter, took off his hat,
placed it over his chest, and waited for the funeral procession
to pass. After it passed, he picked up his putter and returned
to lining up his putt.

One of his buddies said, “That was the most touching thing I
have ever seen. I can’t believe you stopped playing, possibly
losing your concentration, to pay your respects.”

The golfer turned to him and said, “Well, it was the least I
could do. We were married for 45 years!”

A couple met at Hilton Head and fell in love. They were discussing how
they would continue the relationship after their vacations were over.
“It’s only fair to warn you, Jody,” Bill said, “I’m a golf nut. I live,
eat, sleep and breathe golf.” “Well, since you’re being honest, so will
I.” Jody said. “I’m a hooker.” “I see.” he said. Then, brightening, he
smiled. “It’s probably because you’re not keeping your wrists straight
when you hit the ball.”

A couple of women were playing golf one sunny Saturday morning. The
first of the twosome teed off and watched in horror as her ball headed
directly toward a foursome of men playing the next hole.

Indeed, the ball hit one of the men, and he immediately clasped his
hands together at his crotch, fell to the ground and proceeded to roll
around in evident agony.

The woman rushed down to the man and immediately began to apologize.
She said, “Please allow me to help. I’m a physical therapist and I
know I could relieve your pain if you’d allow.”

“Ummph, oooh, nnooo, I’ll be all right…I’ll be fine in a few
minutes,” he replied breathlessly as he remained in the fetal
position still clasping his hands together at his crotch. But she
persisted, and he finally allowed her to help him. She gently took
his hands away and laid them to the side, she loosened his pants, and
she put her hands inside. She began to massage him.

She then asked him, “How does that feel?”

To which he replied, “It feels great, but my thumb still hurts like
hell.”

A man, while playing on the front nine of a complicated golf course,
became confused as to where he was on the course. Looking around,
he saw a lady playing ahead of him. He walked up to her, explained
his confusion and asked her if she knew what hole he was playing.

She replied, “I’m on the 7th hole, and you are a hole behind me,
so you must be on the 6th hole.” He thanked her and went back to
his golf.

On the back nine the same thing happened; and he approached her
again with the same request.

She said, “I’m on the 14th hole, you are a hole behind me, so you
must be on the 13th hole.”

Once again he thanked her and returned to his play.

He finished his round and went to the clubhouse where he saw the
same lady sitting at the end of the bar. He asked the bartender
if he knew the lady. The bartender said that she was a sales lady
and played the course often. He approached her and said, “Let me
buy you a drink in appreciation for your help. I understand that
you are in the sales profession. I’m in sales also. What do you sell?”

She replied, “If I tell you, you’ll laugh.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Well, if you must know,” she answered, “I work for Tampax.” With
that, he laughed so hard he almost lost his breath.

She said, “See I knew you would laugh.”

“That’s not what I’m laughing at,” he replied. “I’m a toilet paper
salesman, so I’m still a hole behind you.”

There were these friends who played golf together every Saturday.
One Saturday they were getting ready to tee off when a guy, by
himself, asked if he could join them. The friends looked at each
other and then looked at the guy and said, “Sure.”

So they teed off. About two holes into the game, the friends got
curious about what the guy did for a living. So they asked him.
The stranger told them he was a hitman. The friends all laughed.

The guy said, “No really, I’m a hitman. My gun is in my golf bag.
I carry it everywhere. You can take a look at it if you’d like.”

So one of the friends decided to check it out. He opened the bag
and, sure enough, there was a rifle with a huge scope attached it.
He got all excited and said, “WOW! I bet I can see my house through
here! May I look?” The hit man replied, “Sure.”

So the guy looked for a second and said, “YEAH! I can see my house!
I can even see through the windows into my bedroom. There’s my wife,
naked. Isn’t she beautiful? WAIT! There’s my next-door neighbor!
And he’s naked too!”

This really upset the guy, so he asked the hitman how much it would
be for a hit. The hitman replied, “I get $1000 every time I pull the
trigger.”

The guy responded, “One thousand dollars? Well, okay. I want two hits.
I want you to shoot my wife right in the mouth. She’s always nagging
at me and I can’t stand it. Second, I want you to shoot my neighbor
in the penis, just for screwing around with my wife.”

The hit man agreed. He geared up and looked through the scope.
He was looking for about five minutes until finally the man started
to get really impatient and asked, “What are you waiting for?”

The hitman replied, “Just hold on … I’m a about to save you a
thousand bucks!”