You might be a redneck if you ever got too drunk to fish!

“It was too bad I wasn’t a second baseman; then I’d probably have seen a lot more of my husband.”

–Karolyn Rose, ex-wife of Pete Rose, 1981

“It’s a weird scene. You win a few baseball games and all of a sudden, you’re surrounded by reporters and TV men with cameras asking you about Vietnam and race relations.”

–Vida Blue, 1971

“I watch a lot of baseball on the radio.”

–Gerald Ford, 1978

“It’s a beautiful day for a night game.”

–Announcer Frankie Frisch

“The most important things in life are good friends and a strong bull pen.”

–Pitcher Bob Lemon, 1981

“Well, that kind of puts a damper on another Yankees win.”

–Announcer Phil Rizzuto, after a news bulletin reporting the death of Pope Paul VI, 1978

“They brought me up with the Brooklyn Dodgers, which at time was in Brooklyn.”

–Casey Stengel, 1962

“I won’t play for a penny less than $1500.”

–Honus Wagner, turning down an offer of $2000

A group of third, fourth and fifth graders accompanied by two female teachers went on a field trip to the local racetrack to learn about thoroughbred horses and the supporting industry.

During the tour, some of the children needed to go to the toilet, so it was decided that the girls would go with one teacher and the boys would go with the other.

As the teacher assigned to the boys waited outside the men’s toilet, one of the boys came out and told her that he couldn’t reach the urinal. Having no choice, the teacher went inside and began hoisting the little boys up by their armpits, one by one.

As she lifted one up in this manner, she couldn’t help but notice that he was unusually well-endowed for an elementary school child.

“I guess you must be in the fifth,” she said.

“No ma’am,” he replied, “I’m in the seventh, riding Silver Arrow. but thanks for the lift anyhow.”