Once upon a time an evil king captured a virgin princess and held her
captive in his high tower. Though she was very beautiful he forced her
to wear a disgusting and smelly burlap dress. “You’ll never get away
with this,” she cried. “Some brave knight will rescue me!” “Not in that
thing,” the evil king replied. She waited day and night, but it was just
as the king predicted. Every knight that saw her in the window of the
high tower was scared away by her dress, which, as I’ve mentioned, was
very disgusting. After many months the princess broke down crying and
the evil king taunted her, “You see? I told you no knight would rescue
a damsel in this dress!”

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college
student led the way into the den.

“What is the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That is the talking clock,” the man replied.

“How’s it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch,” the man said and proceeded to give the gong an ear-
shattering pound with the hammer.

Suddenly, someone screamed from the other side of the wall, “Knock it
off, you idiot! It’s two o’clock in the morning!”

A man died and went to hell. As he passed sulforous pits and
shrieking sinners, he saw his former attorney snuggling with a
beautiful woman. “That’s not fair!” he cried, “I have to roast for
all eternity and that lawyer gets to spend it with a beautiful
woman!” The devil barked, “Shut up! Who are you to question that
woman’s punishment?”