A team of archeologists were excavating in Israel, when they came
upon a cave. Written on the wall of the cave were the following
symbols in order of appearance.

1. A dog
2. A donkey
3. A shovel
4. A fish
5. The Star of David

They decided that this was a unique finding and that the writings
were more than 3,000 years old. They chopped out the piece of stone
and brought it to the museum, where archeologists from all over
the world came to study the ancient symbols. They held a huge
meeting after months of conferences to discuss what they could
agree was the meaning of the markings.

The president of their society stood up and pointed at the first
drawing and said, “This looks like a dog. We can judge that this
was a highly intelligent race, as they knew how to have animals
for companionship. To prove this statement, you can see that the
next symbol resembles a donkey, so they were even smart enough to
have animals help them till the soil.

“The next drawing looks like a shovel of some sort, which means
they even had tools to help them. Further proof of their intelligence
is the fish, which means that when they had a famine and could not
grow food, they took to the sea for food.

“The last symbol appears to be the Star of David, which means they
were evidently Hebrews.”

The audience applauded enthusiastically.

The president smiled and said, “I’m glad to see that you are all
in full agreement with our interpretations.”

Suddenly, a little old Jewish man stood up in the back of the room
and said, “I object to every word. The explanation of what the
writings say is quite simple. Everyone knows that Hebrews don’t
read from left to right, but from right to left. Look again… It
says, HOLY MACKEREL, DIG THE ASS ON THAT BITCH.”

Some tourists in the Chicago Museum of Natural History are marveling
at the dinosaur bones. One of them asks the guard, “Can you tell me
how old the dinosaur bones are?”

The guard replies, “They are 3 million, four years, and six months
old.”

“That’s an awfully exact number,” says the tourist. “How do you know
their age so precisely?”

The guard answers, “Well, the dinosaur bones were three million years
old when I started working here, and that was four and a half years
ago.”

The Blessed Flower Shop — Once upon a time, there were some
friars who were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened
up a small florist shop to raise the funds. Since everyone
liked to buy flowers from the “men of God,” the rival florist
across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the
good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back
and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. He asked his
mother to go and ask the friars to get out of business They
ignored her too. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart,
the roughest and most vicious thug in town to “persuade” them
to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying
he’d be back if they didn’t close shop. Terrified, they did so,
thereby proving that Hugh, and only Hugh, can prevent florist
friars.