1. You sell your home heating system at a yard sale.

2. Your husband jokes that instead of buying a wood stove, he is
using you to heat the family room this winter. Rather than just
saying you are not amused, you shoot him.

3. You have to write post-it notes with your kids’ names on them.

4. The Phenobarbital dose that wiped out the Heaven’s Gate Cult
gives you four hours of decent rest.

5. You change your underwear after every sneeze.

6. You’re on so much estrogen that you take your Brownie troop on
a field trip to Chippendale’s.

A flying saucer landed at a gas station on a lonely country road.
The two space aliens inside seemed completely unconcerned about
detection; in fact, the letters “UFO” were emblazoned in big, bold
letters on one side of their shiny craft.

As the station owner stood and gawked in silence, paralyzed with
shock, his young, blonde attendant nonchalantly filled up the tank
and then waved to the two aliens as they took off.

“Do you realize what just happened?” the station owner finally
uttered.

“Yeah,” said the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the space aliens in that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde. “So?”

“Didn’t you see the letters ‘UFO’ on the side of that vehicle?!”

“Yeah,” repeated the blonde attendant. “So?”

“Don’t you know what ‘UFO’ means?!”

The blonde attendant rolled her eyes. “Good grief, boss! I’ve been
working here for five years. Of course I know what ‘UFO’ means -
it means ‘Unleaded Fuel Only’.”

A guy says to a girl at the bar, “I’m a car salesman, and if I
don’t sell some cars, I’m gonna lose my ass.”
The girl says, “I’m a hooker, and if I don’t sell some ass, I’m
gonna lose my car.”