A guy says to a girl at the bar, “I’m a car salesman, and if I
don’t sell some cars, I’m gonna lose my ass.”
The girl says, “I’m a hooker, and if I don’t sell some ass, I’m
gonna lose my car.”

One fine day this beautiful young girl was walking through the
woods picking flowers and wild mushrooms for her mother. After
some time she felt weary and decided to rest by the pond. Under
the shade of the big oak tree she admired the water lillies and
the beauty that surrounded her and began to snooze.

She was awakened by the sound of a frog croaking, “Excuse me”
Said the frog. ” I was once a beautiful Prince and lived in a
big castle until a wicked witch cast a spell upon me. If you
kiss me tenderly on my lips I would turn back to my former beauty
and we could marry and live in my castle, where you could wash
my clothes, cook my meals, clean the castle, make the beds, and
clean the bath for me.

Later that night, over a fine bottle of chilled Chablis with
sautéed frogs legs in garlic butter and fresh truffles she thought
to herself: “I don’t fucking think so!!”

There was a woman who had 3 daughters. One day the first daughter
asked her mother, “Why is my name Daisy?” Her mother replied,
“Because when you were born a daisy fell upon your tiny head.”
Then the second daughter asked her mother, “Why is my name Rose?”
Her mother answered, “Because when you were born a rose fell upon
your tiny head.” The third daughter, hearing this, muttered
something under her breath. “What?” asked her mother. The third
daughter again said, “Hrehow thouwehera yseeeeeeeher.” Her mother,
frustrated at her daughters lack of speech skills, said, “Shut up,
fridge!”