Pick up lines that could get you killed.

I was about to go masturbate and I needed a name to go with your face.
You are so fine that I’d eat your shit just to see where it came from.
My love for you is like diarrhea, I just can’t hold it in.
If your right leg was Thanksgiving, and your left leg was Christmas, could I meet you between the holidays?
You remind me of a championship bass, I don’t know whether to mount you or eat you!
I’m not too good at algebra, but doesn’t U+I = 69?
How about we play lion and lion tamer? You hold your mouth open, and I’ll give you the meat.

* There are three kinds of people: those who can count &
those who can’t.

* Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice.

* I used up all my sick days, so I’m calling in dead.

* Mental Floss prevents moral decay!

* Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change ready.

* Be nice to your kids . . . they’ll be the ones choosing
your nursing home.

* Proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

* There can’t be a crisis today, my schedule is already full.

* I’d explain it to you, but your brain would explode.

* Did you ever stop to think . . . and forget to start again?

* A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of
thinking.

* I don’t have a solution, but I admire the problem.

* Don’t be so open minded that your brains fall out.

* If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!

* Diplomacy is the art of letting someone have your way.

* It’s not hard to meet expenses, they’re everywhere.

This kind of puts things in perspective……

If you’ve gotten too serious about ’success’ Don’t forget…

At age 4, success is not peeing in your pants.
At age 12, success is having friends.
At age 20, success is having sex.
At age 35, success is making money.
At age 60, success is having sex.
At age 70, success is having friends.
At age 80, success is not peeing in your pants.

Life is a short circle…… enjoy