The following were actually taken from classified ads in the
newspapers:

FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL - 1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR’S DOG
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FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
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1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB — $850/offer
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AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
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SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE…
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
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FREE PUPPIES…PART GERMAN SHEPHERD - PART STUPID DOG
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2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES: one 5-finger, one 3-finger, PAIR: $15
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TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG, 5L,
AUTO, EXCELLENT CONDITION — $6800
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COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED… ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
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83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK — $2000
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SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
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GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs. NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
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FULL SIZED MATTRESS. 20 YR. WARRANTY. LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
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FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
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FOR SALE: LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) - $50
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NORDIC TRACK $300 HARDLY USED — CALL CHUBBIE
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BILL’S SEPTIC CLEANING
“WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS”
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FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG. LOOKS LIKE A RAT… BEEN OUT AWHILE..
BETTER BE A REWARD.
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GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
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ICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE - SLIGHTLY STAINED
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FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
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COLLECTION OF GIRLS BICYCLE SEATS - GOING CHEAP
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