COFFEE….
YOU KNOW YOU’RE DRINKING TOO MUCH COFFEE WHEN . . .
Juan Valdez names his donkey after you.
You ski uphill.
You speed walk in your sleep.
You have a bumper sticker that says: “Coffee drinkers are good in the
sack.”
You answer the door before people knock.
You haven’t blinked since the last lunar eclipse.
You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.
You sleep with your eyes open.
You have to watch videos in fast-forward.
The only time you’re standing still is during an earthquake.
You can take a picture of yourself from ten feet away without using
the timer.
Your eyes stay open when you sneeze.
You chew on other people’s fingernails.
Your T-shirt says, “Decaffeinated coffee is the devil’s coffee.”
You can type sixty words per minute with your feet.
You can jump-start your car without cables.
Cocaine is a downer.
Your only source of nutrition comes from “Sweet & Low.”
Charles Manson thinks you need to calm down.
You’re so wired, you pick up AM radio.
People can recharge their batteries in your ears.
Your life’s goal is to amount to a hill of beans.
Instant coffee takes too long.
You channel surf faster without a remote.
You’d be willing to spend time in a Turkish prison.
You can outlast the Energizer bunny.
You help your dog chase its tail.
You think CPR stands for “Coffee Provides Resuscitation.”
You haven’t slept since the Carter administration…
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