Signs Technologhy has taken over your life

When your wife asks you to get some milk and bread on your way back
from work, you ask her to send you an email at work from her office
as a reminder.

You cannot figure out why UPS and Fedex are still in business.

The audio system hooked to your computer is better than the one in
your family room.

When filling out your driver’s license application you give your IP
address.

You know your IP address but not your home address.

You send email to your ISP or your system administration to tell
them that your email is not working.

You didn’t know the word “spam” stood for a type of food also.

You “ping” people to see if they’re awake, “finger” them to find out
how they are, and “AYT” them to make sure they’re listening to you.

Funny

At a recent computer software engineering course in the US, the
participants were given an awkward question to answer: “If you had
just boarded an airliner and discovered that your company’s
programmers had been responsible for the flight control software,
how many of you would disembark immediately?” Among the ensuing
forest of raised hands only one man sat motionless. When asked what
he would do, he replied that he would be quite content to stay
aboard. With his company’s software, he said, the plane was unlikely
to even taxi as far as the runway, let alone takeoff..

Customer Service

It would also be helpful for you to refrain from sobbing while
explaining your problem to the technician. Shouting obscene threats
will cause you to be immediately disconnected and blackballed from
further communication with Technical Support, not only from ours
but that of every other electronics-related firm in the
industrialized world. (we all talk you know)

…

Thank you for calling Technical Support. Unfortunately, all of our
technicians just went out for lunch. This means that to the estimated
waiting time we gave you earlier, you may now add at least another two
hours.

…

Thank you for calling Technical Support. Before talking to the technician
about your problem and risking the possibility that you may be wasting
valuable time, please ask yourself the following questions:

1. If my monitor screen is dark, is it possible I have forgotten to plug
in my computer?
2. Have I exhausted every possible means of help before utilizing
the sacred, last-resort-only telephone option?
3. Have I sent a fax to Fast Fax Technical Support?
4. Have I consulted my manual?
5. Have I read the Read-Me notice on the floppy disk?
6. Have I called up my know-it-all geek cousin who I can’t stand but who
can probably fix this thing for me in under five minutes?
6. Have I given the central processing unit of my computer a good,
solid whack?

If you can not honestly answer “yes” to all these questions,
please get off the line immediately so that our overworked technicians
can help those truly desperate customers whose suffering is so much
greater than yours. You must be really be so bored that you have to call
technical support just to have someone to speak to about geek stuff.

…

Thank you for calling Technical Support. You may not be aware
that this week we are featuring a discount on a number of popular
CD-ROM titles you may wish to purchase, such as the best-selling
Porn Doubler, which allows you to access erotic material from the
Internet twice as fast. If you would like to hear all 26,000 titles
read to you, shout “Yes! Yes! Yes!” into the telephone now.
This will not cause you to lose your place in line for
Technical Support; in fact it may jump you ahead of several
other callers.

…

Thank you for calling Technical Support. Our system has been
overloaded, and unfortunately you have
lost your place in line. Please push “one” if you would like to be
connected again to Technical Support.

…

Thank you for calling Technical Support. Our electronic sensors
indicate that you are about to slump over and die from a massive
frustration attack combined with severe dehydration from lack of
food and water. Before doing so, please take a moment to place your
telephone receiver back in its base and switch off your computer
so as not to wear down its internal battery.

As a non-living person, you will have no further need of Technical
Support and so we regretfully must remove you from our list of
registered product users.

Remember, we valued your patronage and were happy to serve your
needs. Do not hesitate to have your heirs or beneficiaries contact
us should any further technical problems arise.