DOCTOR JOKES….
What do you get when you cross a duck with George Washington.
- The worlds first honest doctor quack quack.
Know the difference between God and Surgeons????
- God knows he’s not a Surgeon…..
An older lady moved in with her young adult daughter after her
husband died. Her daughter insisted that her mother go to the
doctor for a physical and check-up since she had not had one in
many, many years.
The mother, being of an older generation, was not comfortable
with this, but reluctantly agreed.
On the day of her visit, the nurse asked her to take her clothes
off and put on a robe. The woman was very embarrassed, but did
as she was asked.
A few minutes later, the doctor (a man) walked in and began the
physical. It went very smoothly until the PAP smear began. As the
doctor lifted up the robe, he smiled and said, “My, we’re a bit
fancy today, aren’t we?”
The nurse with him also smiled and told the woman, “Got all fixed
up for this, didn’t you?”
The woman was mortified, and reported all of this to her daughter
once she got home. The daughter asked her, “Well, what did you do
before you left?”
The mother replied, “I took a shower and was all nice and clean.
Why, I even used some of your feminine deodorant you had.”
The daughter thought about this, and said, “Mom, I don’t have any
of that.”
The mother showed her the can and the daughter began laughing! It
was a can of glitter hairspray!
A patient once asked the anesthetist what will be his fees for
anesthesia.
“700 bucks” said the doc.
“That’s awfully costly for knocking someone off” said the patient.
“No” said the doc. “I knock you for free. The 700 bucks is for
bringing you back around.”
There was a man who had a problem when he was peeing so he went
to the doctor to get it checked out. He told the doctor that
every time he pees he always has that little drip that comes out
late. He hates this because he wears silk boxers and it makes a
wet spot on them. So the doctor say ok I know how to fix it. So
the doctor tells the man hes going to have to have surgery. The
man says ok i’ll do it. So the doctor takes a glands out of the
guys nose and puts it in his penis. The guy wakes up and has to
go pee. The doc says try it out now. The man goes to the bathroom
and starts peeing. He is finished and then that last drip starts
to come out. Then all of a sudden SNIIIIIIIIIFFFFF! his penis
sniffs the drop back in.
A girl walks into a psychiatrists office and says to the psychiatrist
“I have a problem nobody ever talks to me”
The psychiatrist says “next”
Last month I hurt my arm falling down the steps. So I go to my
doctor and he tells me my arm is broke. So I say “Doc I think
I wanna second opinion.”
He says “okay your breath stinks also.”
The doctor told my uncle if he wants to stay out of the hospital
he better learn to jog.
The next day my uncle went jogging got mugged and is now in the
hospital
Had a bad day at work today! I was trying to replace a
steering wheel when I slipped and got it stuck down
my trousers!!! At the doctors I was asked how it got
down there, so I explained. The doctor was bewildered and
asked if it hurt…
I SAID YEAH IT’S DRIVING ME NUTS!!!!
Did you hear there is a new generic name for Viagra? It’s
called “Mycocksafloppin”.
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