DOCTOR JOKES….
One day a young mother met her doctor. She said “Doc, I feel
strange.” The doctor replied “It seem your baby’s going to come
out. Lying here.”. A moment later, the baby was born successfully.
Two years laters, the lady went to the same doctor and the baby,
again, was born.
One year after that, the lady met the doctor again. The doctor
asked “Your third child will coming soon mam?” The lady said “Yes.”
Then please help and lay down on the bed. In the middle of birth
process, the lady yell “Auch…. Doc it’s hurt. Your wedding ring’s
hurting me.”
Doctor said “Who use wedding ring?…. It’s not wedding ring. This
is my watch, sorry.”
man goes into doctors. He says to the doctor ‘Doctor, doctor. Help
I’ve gotta strawberry up me ass’ The Doctor replys ‘MMMmmmm, I
think I’ve got some cream for that.
A man goes to his doctor and says “Doc you have to help me I
can’t stop farting and it’s really embarrassing!” So the doctor
thinks about it for a minute then tells the man to wait here and
I’ll be back in a minute. When he returns he’s carrying a long
pole with a hook on the end of it. The patient freaks out and
says “Oh my God what are you going to do with that?” And the
doctor replies “I’m going to open some windows. It stinks in
here!!!!!”
What’s the difference between a proctologist and a bartender?
A proctologist handles only one asshole at a time.
A woman goes to see the doctor for her yearly exam. As soon as
she opens her legs to receive a papsmear, the doctor says,
“What a hole, what a hole”. The woman was confused. This happened
for over two years. After that time, the woman was curious as to
what the doctor was seeing during the exams, so she got a mirror
and was standing over it with her legs spread to see if she could
figure out what the doctor was talking about. Just as she stood
over the mirror, her husband walked in so she began to do
jumping-jacks as if she were doing them all along. Her husband
said, “why are you exercising”? She said that she had the time,
so she thought that it would be a good idea to exercise. Her
husband replyed, “well o.k. honey, just watch out for that hole”.
A modest man was in the hospital for a series of tests. One of the
last tests had left his system upset. Upon making several false
alarms to the bathroom, he decided the last test was another false
alarm and stayed put.
He then filled his bed with human waste and was embarrassed
beyond anything he could possibly face. Losing his presence of
mind, he jumped up, gathered up the bed sheets, and threw them
out the hospital window.
A drunk was walking by the hospital when the sheets landed on
him. He started yelling, cussing, and swinging his arms wildly
which left the soiled sheets in a tangled pile at his feet. As the
drunk stood there staring down at the sheets, a security guard who
had watched the whole incident walked up and asked “What the
hell was that all about?” Still staring down, the drunk replied:
“Dunno, but I think I just beat the shit out of a ghost !”
An 80 year old man was getting married to a 20 year old girl.
When he went to get his physical she told him to be sure and ask
the doctor how often he could safely have sex. The old man came
out of the doctors office and went to have a beer with his friend.
The friend asked how the exam went and the old man said great, but
i’m confused about this sex thing. Then he asked his friend how
many times a night is semi-annual?
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