GEORGE CARLINISMS….
- How come wrong numbers are never busy?
- Do people in Australia call the rest of the world “up over”?
- Does that screwdriver belong to Philip?
- Does killing time damage eternity?
- Why doesn’t Tarzan have a beard?
- Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
- Why is it that night falls but day breaks?
- Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
- Why is it that when you’re driving and looking for an address,
you turn down the volume on the radio?
- Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing
liquid made with real lemons?
- Are part-time bandleaders semi-conductors?
- Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn shop?
- Daylight savings time-why are they saving it – where do they keep it?
- Did Noah keep his bees in archives?
- Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
- Do pilots take crash-courses?
- Do stars clean themselves with meteor showers?
- Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that
he just whipped out a quarter?
- Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?
- Have you ever seen a toad on a toadstool?
- How can there be self-help “groups”?
- How do you get off a non-stop flight?
- How do you write zero in Roman numerals?
- How many weeks are there in a light year?
- If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear
his Walkman?
- If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
- If Barbie’s so popular, why do you have to buy all her friends?
- If blind people wear dark glasses, why don’t deaf people wear
earmuffs?
- If cats and dogs didn’t have fur would we still pet them?
- If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are
Girl Scout cookies made out of?
- If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
- If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look the
way they do?
- If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out
of?
- If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
- If you can’t drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
- If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
- If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times,
does he become disoriented?
- Why do the signs that say “Slow Children” have a picture of a running
child?
- Why do they call it “chili” if it’s hot?
- Why do we sing “Take me out to the ball game,” when we are already
there?
- Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
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