HOW TO REMAIN INSANE AT THE WORKPLACE….
1) Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2) Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits.
Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective
if you boss is of a different gender than you.
3) Make up nicknames for all your coworkers and refer to them only by
these names: “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m
going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-cha.”
4) Send e-mail to the rest of the company telling them exactly what
you’re doing. For example: “If anyone needs me, I’ll be in the
bathroom.”
5) Highlight your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much
since you did this.
6) While sitting at your desk, soak your fingers in Palmolive liquid.
Call everyone Madge.
7) Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get
coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole
way.
Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people
you’re waiting for your document.
9) Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask him or
her if they want fries with that.
10) Send e-mail back and forth to yourself, engaging yourself in an
intellectual debate. Forward the mail to a co-worker and ask her to
settle the disagreement.
11) Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized
chair-dancing.
12) Put your trash can on your desk and label it: IN.
13) Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers.
14) Send e-mail messages saying there’s free pizza or donuts or cake
in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that
they found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh you’ve got
to be faster than that.”
15) Put decaf in the coffee maker for three weeks. Once everyone has
withdrawn from caffeine addiction, switch to espresso.
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