HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according
to lights and darks.
Walk into bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see your
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your
womanly physique in the mirror. Make mental note…Must do more
sit-ups.
Get in the shower. Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long
loofah, wide loofah, and pumice stone.
Wash your hair with Cucumber Sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
Wash your hair again to make sure it’s clean. Condition your hair
with Grapefruit Mint conditioner, enhanced with natural avocado oil.
Leave on hair for fifteen minutes. Wash your face with crushed
apricot facial scrub for ten minutes, until red.
Wash entire rest of body with Ginger Nut and Jaffa Cake body wash.
Rinse conditioner off hair. You must make sure that it has all come
off. Shave armpits and legs. Consider shaving bikini area, but decide
to get it waxed instead.
Scream loudly when your husband flushes the toilet and you lose the
water pressure.
Turn off shower.
Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex.
Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap
hair in super absorbent second towel.
Check entire body for the remotest sign of a zit.
Tweeze hairs.
Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head. If
you see your husband along the way, cover any exposed areas, then
sashay to bedroom to spend an hour and a half getting dressed.

HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed.
Leave them in a pile.
Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see your wife along the way,
shake wiener at her, making the “woo-woo” sound.
Look at your manly physique in the mirror and suck in your gut to
see if you have pecs. (No)
Admire the size of your wiener in the mirror and scratch your ass.
Get in shower.
Don’t bother to look for a washcloth…You don’t use one.
Wash your face.
Wash your armpits.
Blow your nose in your hands, then let the water just rinse it off.
Crack up at how loud your farts sound in the shower.
Majority of time is spent washing your privates and surrounding area.
Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs on the soap bar.
Shampoo your hair. Do not use conditioner. Make a shampoo Mohawk.
Peek out of shower curtain to look at yourself in the mirror again.
Pee (in the shower).
Rinse off and get out of the shower. Fail to notice water on the
floor because you left the curtain hanging out of the tub the whole
time. Partially dry off.
Look at yourself in the mirror. Flex muscles. Admire the wiener size
again.
Leave shower curtain open and wet bath mat on the floor.
Leave bathroom fan and light on.
Return to the bedroom with towel around your waist. If you pass your
wife, pull off the towel, shake wiener at her, and make the “woo-woo”
sound again.
Throw wet towel on the bed. Take 2 minutes to get dressed.