Breaking up would be a lot easier. A smack to the rear and a
“Nice hustle, you’ll get ‘em next time” would pretty much do it.

Valentine’s Day would be moved to February 29th, so it would
only occur on Leap years.

On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you’d get the day
off to go drinking. Mother’s Day too. St. Patrick’s Day, however,
would remain exactly the same, but it would be celebrated every month.

Garbage would take itself out.

The only show opposite “Monday Night Football” would be “Monday Night
Football from a Different Camera Angle”.

Instead of “beer-belly”, you’d get “beer-biceps”.

Tanks would be far easier to rent.

Two words…”Ally McNaked”.