TOP TEN WAYS TO DEAL WITH THE MILLENNIUM BUG (COMPUTER SYSTEMS
UNABLE TO RECOGNIZE THE YEAR 2000)

10. Lay off the networks, and do all your home business accounting
on an Etch-a-Sketch.

9. Accept the fact that it’s going to be 1900 instead of 2000.
Get out the stovepipe hats and corsets — and party like its 1899.

8. Assume the crash position and kiss your assets goodbye.

7. Convince Martha Stewart to learn COBOL and reprogram all the
corporate computers in the world. Humour the obsessive-compulsive
homemaker by allowing her to put flounces on the mainframes.

6. Pray that Hale Bopp returns, and that all your problems will
disappear with a sip of spiked Kool-Aid.

5. Have a revolution. To recover part of the costs incurred by
upgrading, behead Bill Gates, and divide up his wealth among
every living North American — a hundred dollars each (the
revolution is the tricky part).

4. Figure out a superficially convincing, but inherently illogical
plan to make insane amounts of money from the transition — and
sell it over the Internet.

3, Go Mennonite.

2. Go Hutterite.

1. Go broke.