My wife dresses to kill. She cooks the same way.
– Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
– Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she’s wrong.
– Milton Berle

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
– George Burns

What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
About 30 pounds.
– Cindy Garner

I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, “There
was water in the carburetor.” I said, “Where’s the car?”
She said, “In the lake.”
– Henny Youngman

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
– Phyllis Diller

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
– Henny Youngman

People are always asking couples whose marriages have endured
at least a quarter of a century for their secret for success. Actually, it is no secret at all. I am a forgiving woman.
Long ago, I forgave my husband for not being Paul Newman.
– Erma Bombeck