Since the world situation is making us all think about how governments, religions and business effect us, this simplified explanation might help us under stand better.
THE “TWO-COW EXPLANATION” OF WHAT MAKES…

A CHRISTIAN:
You have two cows. You keep one and give one to your neighbor.

A SOCIALIST:
You have two cows. The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.

A REPUBLICAN:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. So what?

A DEMOCRAT:
You have two cows. Your neighbor has none. You feel guilty for being successful. You vote people into office who tax your cows, forcing you to sell one to raise money to pay the tax. The people you voted for then take the tax money and buy a cow and give it to your neighbor. You feel righteous.

A COMMUNIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and provides you with milk.

A FASCIST:
You have two cows. The government seizes both and sells you the milk. You join the underground and start a campaign of sabotage.

DEMOCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government taxes you to the point you have to sell both to support a man in a foreign country who has only one cow, which was a gift from your government.

CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE:
You have two cows. The government takes them both, shoots one, milks the other, pays you for the milk, then pours the milk down the drain.

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. You are surprised when the cow drops dead.

A FRENCH CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You go on strike because you want three cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.

A GERMAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You reengineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows but you don’t know where they are. You break for lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You count them and learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42 cows. You count them again and learn you have 12 cows. You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A MEXICAN CORPORATION:
You think you have two cows, but you don’t know what a cow looks like. You take a nap.

A SWISS CORPORATION:
You have 5000 cows, none of which belongs to you. You charge for storing them for others.

A BRAZILIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You enter into a partnership with an American corporation. Soon you have 1000 cows and the American corporation declares bankruptcy.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION:
You have two cows. You worship them.

HA HA!!!! I told you when God created man she was only joking….
And God Created Woman.
And she was good.
And she had two arms, two legs and three breasts.

And God asked woman what she would like to have changed
about herself. And she asked for her middle breast to be
removed.
And it was good.

She stood with her third breast in her hand and asked God
what should be done with the useless boob.
And God created man.

3 new bonds are being issued:
* Lewinsky bond: Has no maturity
* Gore bond: Has no interest
* Clinton bond: Has no principle.

“WHAT IF DR. SEUSS DID TECHNICAL WRITING”

If a packet hits a pocket on a socket on a port, and the bus is
interrupted as a very last resort, and the address of the memory
makes your floppy disk abort, then the socket packet pocket has
an error to report.

If your cursor finds a menu item followed by a dash, and the
double-clicking icon puts your window in the trash, and your data
is corrupted ’cause the index doesn’t hash, then your situation’s
hopeless and your system’s gonna crash!

If the label on the cable on the table at your house, says the
network is connected to the button on your mouse, but your packets
want to tunnel on another protocol, that’s repeatedly rejected by
the printer down the hall, and your screen is all distorted by the
side effects of gauss, so your icons in the window are as wavy as
a souse, then you may as well reboot and go out with a bang, ’cause
as sure as I’m a poet, the sucker’s gonna hang!

When the copy of your floppy’s getting sloppy on the disk, and the
microcode instructions cause unnecessary risk, then you have to
flash your memory and you’ll want to RAM your ROM. Quickly turn
off the computer and be sure to tell your mom.

Computer Problem Report Form

1. Describe your problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

2. Now, describe the problem accurately:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

3. Speculate wildly about the cause of the problem:
________________________________________________________________
________________________________________________________________

4. Problem Severity:

A. Minor__
B. Minor__
C. Minor__
D. Trivial__

5. Nature of the problem:

A. Locked Up__
B. Frozen__
C. Hung__
D. Strange Smell__

6. Is your computer plugged in? Yes__ No__

7. Is it turned on? Yes__ No__

8. Have you tried to fix it yourself? Yes__ No__

9. Have you made it worse? Yes__

10. Have you had “a friend” who “Knows all about computers” try to fix
it for you? Yes__ No__

11. Did they make it even worse? Yes__

12. Have you read the manual? Yes__ No__

13. Are you sure you’ve read the manual? Maybe__ No__

14. Are you absolutely certain you’ve read the manual? No__

15. If you read the manual, do you think you understood it? Yes__ No__

16. If ‘Yes’ then explain why you can’t fix the problem yourself.
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

17. What were you doing with your computer at the time the problem
occurred?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

l8. If you answered ‘nothing’ then explain why you were logged in?
__________________________________________________________
__________________________________________________________

l9. Are you sure you aren’t imagining the problem? Yes__ No__

20. Does the clock on your home VCR blink 12:00? Yes__ What’s a VCR?__

21. Do you have a copy of ‘PCs for Dummies’? Yes__ No__

22. Do you have any independent witnesses to the problem? Yes__ No__

23. Do you have any electronics products that DO work? Yes__ No__

24. Is there anyone else you could blame this problem on? Yes__ No__

25. Have you given the machine a good whack on the top? Yes__ No__

26. Is the machine on fire? Yes__ Not Yet__

27. Can you do something else instead of bothering me? Yes__

A zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a few weeks
the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to handle.

Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem: she was
in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species available.
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed Dave,
an employee responsible for cleaning the animals’ cages. Now Dave, it
was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female, and he
wasn’t very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they might have a
solution. Perhaps they could entice Dave to satisfy the female gorilla.

So he was approached with a proposition: would he be willing to have sex
with the gorilla — for five hundred bucks? Dave replied that he might
be interested, but would have to think the matter over. The following
day, Dave announced that he would accept their offer, but only under
three conditions:

“First,” he said, “I don’t want to have to kiss her,” and “Second, I
want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this union.”

The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what
could be the third? “Well,” said Dave, “You’ve gotta give me another
week to come up with the five hundred bucks.”

Sleeping Beauty, Tom Thumb and Don Juan were having a terrible
fight. “I am the most beautiful person in the world,”
proclaimed Sleeping Beauty.

“No, you’re not,” answered Don Juan and Tom Thumb.

“I am the smallest person in the world,” shouted Tom Thumb.

“No, you’re not,” said Sleeping Beauty and Don Juan.

“I’ve had more lovers than any person in the world,” announced
Don Juan.

“No, you haven’t” replied Tom Thumb and Sleeping Beauty.

Well, they decided that if the three were to get along, they
needed a mediator, and decided that Merlin, clearly the
smartest person in theworld, would be ideal. Merlin agreed
and summoned them all to his palace, where he announced he
would meet with them one at a time.

Sleeping Beauty went in first and not a minute later came out
beaming “I am the most beautiful person in the world, Merlin
said so.”

In went Tom Thumb and out he came as quickly as had Sleeping
Beauty: “I am the smallest person in the world, Merlin
agrees.”

In goes Don Juan and in he stays, a half hour, an hour, an hour
and a half later. Finally, he emerges distraught, muttering,
“Who the hell is Bill Clinton?”

A Carpenter Searching Out His Son…

St. Peter gets fed up with standing at the pearly gates and
giving or denying access to Heaven. St. Peter needed to take
a break, so he noticed Jesus walking by and asked him to watch
the front desk for a bit. Jesus said he’d be happy to. In a
little bit an old man came up to the desk very slowly. Jesus
took out form 85-A/j and started getting the information.
“I’m looking for my son.” the old man says.
“And who are you?” says Jesus.
“I’m his Father; well not really.” says the man.
“Where are you from?” The old man said he was from the
Mediterranean Sea area.
“What did you do in life?”
“I was a carpenter,” was the reply.
Jesus smiled because this was a profession he could relate to.
“Did you have many children?” he asked kindly.
The old man said, “Just one son, and he was unlike any other child
on earth.”
Jesus looked closely at the old man and asked,
“Did anything unusual occur the night he came to you?”
“Oh yes,” the old man said, “There was this incredibly brilliant
star in the sky that lit up all the heavens.”
“And does your son have holes in his hands and feet?” asks Jesus
excitedly.
“He does!” shouts the man Jesus put down the 85-A/j form and holds
out his hands, “Father!”
The old man looked at Jesus with joy on his face and asked,
“Pinocchio??”

A tech writer dies and arrives in Hell, where Satan
growls, “I gotta escort these other sinners into the
pit, lady. Take a seat and wait a minute!”

Terrified, the tech writer peeks behind a door and sees
a tech writer agonizingly formatting 12 million lines of
documentation on a flaming IBM XT computer.

Aghast, she peeks behind a second door and sees a tech
writer writing 23 million manuals on a mountain of screen
captures written by a shrill, egomaniacal programmer who
shrieks at every line.

In despair, she looks behind a third door and sees another
tech writer like herself, chairing a never-ending meeting,
munching bonbons, surrounded by fresh-faced admiring
engineers offering her gifts of flowers, fresh fruit
and fine wines and telling her she’s a documentation genius.

He returns and asks, “Well, which door, 1 or 2?”

The tech writer says, “I’d like Door 3, please.”

“You can’t have Door 3…That’s Engineer Hell.”

A blonde woman is driving a Porsche. She sees
another blonde woman with a Porsche that has
broken down on the side of the road. She stops to
ask what’s wrong. The owner of the broken Porsche
said, ‘I just had a look under the hood, well,
while I was driving somebody had stolen the
engine.’

The other said, ‘Oh, don’t worry, I have a spare
one in the back of my Porsche.