Short Free Jokes & Funny Pictures

Two smiling corpses are lying in a morgue in Alabama, and a
detective goes into the coroner’s to find the causes of death.
The coroner points to the first dead man.

“This is Cletus,” he says. “He died of shock after winning 20
million on the lottery.”

Finally he moves on to the last smiling corpse. “This is Roscoe,”
says the coroner. “He died after being struck by lightning.”
“Well,” asks the detective, “Why in the world was the fool smiling?”
“Oh,” says the coroner. “He thought he was having his picture taken.”

There was a man who walked into a bar. He ordered a drink.
While the man was drinking, the bartender talked to him:

“Hey, did ya see that horse out there?” the man nodded. “I
will pay you $500 if you can make the horse laugh. So far,
no one that walked into this bar has won.”

The man was tempted, so he agreed. He went outside and talked
to the horse for about 5 minutes and the horse started rolling
around with laughter. He went back into the bar. The bartender
was stunned, but he paid the man.

The next day the man returned to the bar. “Today”, the bartender
said, “I will pay you $1000 if you can make the horse cry”. The
man agreed again. He went out the door and talked to the horse
again. In about 2 minutes the horse was in puddles of tears.
The man went back into the bar.

After the bartender paid the man, he asked with curiosity,
“How did you make that horse laugh and cry so easily?”

“Well,” the man said, “Yesterday I went to the horse and I told
him that I had a penis bigger than his, and he started laughing”.

“So what did you tell him to make him cry?”

“Today I walked out and proved it to him”.

One day back in our old country side, a very old man walking
to the market had to cross a highway.

On this particular day there was much traffic moving up and
down the road and as the poor guy tried to cross over a car
knocked him down. A big crowd gathered at the scene of the
accident. Soon everyone was shouting out first aid instructions.

Some cried out “pour cold water on his head, he will wake up”.
Another felt that the old Sod only needed a little fresh air,
so he cried out “everyone – move back, let’s have some space
here for some fresh air”.

In the crowd was this crafty boy who on pushing his way to the
front screamed out “Ahaaaaa I know this man”

Everyone turned to face the boy and he said ” I know what you
can do to revive him” and everyone went “whaaat?” The boy “all
you need to do is to give him a bottle of beer and he will
wake up”.

Everyone was annoyed by what the little boy had suggested and
soon guys were knocking him around screaming out all kinds of
insults. The crowd got so carried away with this that for a
moment it forgot the old man.

Suddenly, the stricken man stirred and clearing his throat croaked
- “People, please listen to the young man…”

A young boy had just gotten his driving permit. He asked his
father, who was a Rabbi, if they could discuss the use of the
car. His father took him to his study and said to him,

“I’ll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up, study
your bible a little and get your hair cut and we’ll discuss it.”

After about a month the boy came back and again asked his
father if they could discuss use of the car. They again went
to the father’s study where his father said, “Son, I’ve been
real proud of you. You have brought your grades up, you’ve
studied your bible diligently, but you didn’t get your hair cut!”

The young man waited a moment and replied, “You know Dad, I’ve
been thinking about that. You know, Samson had long hair,
Abraham had long hair, Noah had long hair, and even Moses had
long hair….”

“Yes, my son, and they WALKED every where they went!”