It was time for Father John’s Saturday night bath, and the
young nun Sister Magdalene had prepared the bath water and
towels just the way the old nun had instructed.

Sister Magdalene was also instructed not to look at Father
John’s nakedness if she could help it, do whatever he told
her to do, and pray.

The next morning the old nun asked Sister Magdalene how the
Saturday night bath had gone.

“Oh, sister,” said the young nun dreamily, “I’ve been saved.”

“Saved? And how did that fine thing come about?” asked the old
nun.

“Well, when Father John was soaking in the tub, he asked me to
wash him, and while I was washing him he guided my hand down
between his legs where he said the Lord keeps the Key to Heaven.”

“Did he now?” said the old nun evenly.

Sister Magdalene continued, “And Father John said that if the
Key to Heaven fit my lock, the portals of Heaven would be opened
to me and I would be assured salvation and eternal peace. And
then Father John guided his Key to Heaven into my lock.”

“Is that a fact?” said the old nun even more evenly.

“At first it hurt terribly, but Father John said the pathway to
salvation was often painful and that the glory of God would
soon swell my heart with ecstasy. And it did, it felt so good
being saved.”

“That wicked old devil!” said the old nun. “He told me it was
Gabriel’s Horn, and I’ve been blowing it for 40 years!”

usband and wife were sitting at the dinner table. Husband gets
up and goes to the cupboard. He brings back a bottle of Tylenol
and a glass of water. He places it in front of his wife.

Wife says “What’s that for? I don’t have a headache.”

Husband says “GOTCHA!”

A man stumbled upon a magic lamp and decided to rub it just in
case, and out popped the genie. The genie being in a rush told
the man he would only get two wishes, so make them good! He then
informed the man that whatever he wished for, his wife would
receive double of. The man thought for a moment and then told
the genie to give him one million dollars, and beat him half to
death.