A teacher had been after her pupils to bring in their 2 dollars for the class picture. Upset over the tardiness, one day she got up in front of the class and said, “Class, think how much you’re going to treasure this picture 25 years from now. You will pull it out and say, ‘There’s my friend, Julie. She’s a lawyer now. There’s my friend Robert. He’s a doctor’” Then a voice from the back of the room interrupted, “And there’s my teacher. She’s dead.”

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?A: A dope ring.

Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west, a woman walked into a saloon. Suddenly she realized that she was not in the general store so she started to turn around and leave. As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, “Come on over, Ma’am, sit yourself down right here next to me and have yourself a drink.”Thank you kindly Sir, but I’m afraid that I couldn’t,” replied the woman, “on account that I need to get bread

Where is the world’s fastest chicken from? Ethiopia!

In questioning potential jurors for an upcoming trial the Judge inquired, “Is there any reason why any of you cannot see this trial through to its conclusion?” A lone juror spoke up, “I can’t!” stated the woman, “Why, just looking at the woman I’m convinced she’s guilty!” “Madam,” said the Judge, “that’s the prosecutor.”

* Minimize food budget by scheduling classes around Happy Hour.* Enjoy being a Sophomore — It will be the best three years of your life. * Wear an athletic cup to panty raids, because it’s all fun and games until someone loses their ‘nads.* Lemon juice and baking soda make an excellent bong water stain remover.* Earn extra cash by parlaying chemistry knowledge into lucrative “home pharmaceuticals” business.* If an 8:00 am class is required for your major, change your major. * Boring lecture? Start a wave!* College-level algebra: 5 returnable bottles = 1 delicious Ramen Noodle dinner.* “I Phelta Thi” is *not* a real fraternity, except at state colleges.* Remember - almost no one complains when you puke in a dumpster. * Clever margin manipulation can turn a 4-page outline into a 100-page senior essay.* Football games were never meant to be observed by sober people.* Don’t think of it as sleeping with your professor — think of it as “acing Biology.” * In a pinch, milk can be used as a beer substitute in your breakfast cereal.

How do you keep a blonde busy? (see below) How do you keep a blonde busy? (see above)

A guy walks into a bar and orders 5 shots of whiskey. The barkeep says 5 shots, yes the guy says I’m celebrating my first blowjob. The barkeep replies hell let me buy you 1. No thanks the guy says if 5 don’t get the taste out of my mouth, then the 6th wont matter

Why do dogs lick themselves? Because they can.

What is black and brown and looks good on a lawyer? A Doberman.