Why don’t Purdue athletes eat pickles? They can’t get their heads in the jar.

Q. How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?A. There’s white-out on the screen.

A drunk gets up from the bar and heads for the bathroom. A few minutes later, a loud, blood-curdling scream is heard coming from the bathroom.A few minutes after that, another loud scream echoes through the bar. The bartender goes into the bathroom to investigate what the drunk is screaming about. The bartender yells, “What’s all the screaming about in there? You’re scaring my customers!” The drunk responds, “I’m just sitting here on the toilet and every time I try to flush, something comes up and squeezes the hell out of my balls.” The bartender opens the door and looks in. You idiot! You’re sitting on the mop bucket!

What’s black and white and red all over? An embarassed zebra!

Q: What do you call 20 lawyers skydiving? A: A perfect setup for skeet shooting.

Did you hear about the Penn State professor who went around in a revolving door for six hours because he couldn’t remember whether he was going in or coming out?

Q. How do you drown a blonde?A1. Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.A2. Stick a scratch and sniff sticker at the bottom of the pool.

One evening, Frank was drinking at a bar when the bartender came over to tell Frank that he had a telephone call.Frank had just bought another beer and he didn’t want anyone else to drink it. So, Fred wrote a little sign and left it by his beer that read: “I spit in my beer.”When Fred returned to his bar stool, there was another note beside his beer: “I spit in your beer, too!”

Why does a blond dog have lumps on his head? From chasing parked cars!

Q: Why does the bar association prohibit lawyers and clients from having sex? A: To prevent clients from being billed twice for essentially the same service.