In an ancient monastery in a far away place, a new monk
arrived to join his brothers in copying books and scrolls
in the monastery’s scriptorium. He was assigned as a
rubricate on copies of books that had already been copied
by hand. One day he asks Father Florian, the Armarius of
the Scriptorium, “Does not the copying by hand of other
copies allow for chances of error? How do we know we are
not copying the mistakes of someone else? Are they ever
checked against the original?”

Fr. Florian was set back a bit by the obvious logical
observation of this youthful monk. “A very good point,
my son. I will take one of the latest books down to the
vault and compare it against the original.” Fr. Florian
went down to the secured vault and began his verification.

A day passed and the monks began to worry and went down
looking for the old priest. They were sure something may
have happened. As they approached the vault they heard
sobbing and crying; they opened the door and found Fr. Florian
crying over the new copy and the original ancient book, both
opened before him on the table. It was obvious to all that the
poor man had been crying his old heart out for a long time.

“What is the problem, Reverend father? asked one of the monks.

“Oh, my Lord,” sobbed the priest. “The word is ‘celebrate’!!!”

YOU KNOW YOU’RE OUT OF COLLEGE WHEN:

Your salary is less than your tuition.

* Your potted plants stay alive.

* Shacking in a twin-sized bed seems absurd.

* You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

* You have to pay your own credit card bill.

* You haven’t seen a soap opera in over a year.

* 8:00a.m. is not early.

* You have to file for your own taxes.

* You hear your favorite song on the elevator at work.

* You’re not carded anymore.

* You carry an umbrella.

* Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook-up and
break-up.

* You start watching the weather channel.

* Jeans and baseball caps aren’t staples in your wardrobe.

* You can no longer take shots, and smoking gives you a
sinus attack.

* You go from 130 days of vacation time to 7.

* You stop confusing 401K plan with 10K run.

* You go to parties that the police don’t raid.

* Adults feel comfortable telling jokes about sex in front
of you.

* You don’t know what time Wendy’s closes anymore.

* Your car insurance goes down.

* You refer to college students as kids.

* You drink wine, scotch and martinis instead of beer,
bourbon,and rum.

* Your parents start making casual remarks about grandchildren.

* You feed your dog Science Diet instead of Taco Bell.

* You’re waking up at 6 am instead of going to bed

* College sweatshirts are ‘casual’ instead of dress up.

* Sleeping on the couch is a no-no.

* THEN: discussing with your friends: GPA’s, spring break
plans,and tonsil hockey NOW: mutual funds, interest rates,
and wedding plans

* Naps are no longer available between noon and 6 p.m.

* Dinner and a movie -The whole date instead of the beginning
of one.

* You get your news from sources other than USA Today,
ESPN Sportscenter and MTV News.

* You find yourself reminiscing fondly of 2-hour Calculus exams.

* METABOLISM SLOWDOWN

* Wine appreciation expands beyond Boone’s and Mad Dog.

* You actually eat breakfast foods at breakfast time.

* Grocery lists actually contain relatively healthy food.

* When drinking, you say at least once per night, ‘I just
can’t put it down the same as I used to’.

* Over 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is
for real work, not video games.

* You’re actually willing to pay a bit more to drink in a
bar that’s not full of ‘21-year-old kids.’

* Golf is beginning to seem a lot less silly.

Some people say that I’m superficial, but that’s just on
the surface.

On one hand, I’m indecisive; but on the other, I’m not.

If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s intolerance.

The world’s full of apathy, but I don’t care.

Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.

Prejudiced people are all alike.

What is the probability that something will happen according
to the odds?

Exaggeration is not all it’s cracked up to be.

Evil is not all bad.

I’m still not sure if I understand ambiguity.

Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness.

There’s no such thing as nonexistance.

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

As far as I’m concerned, treachery will sometimes bring
loyalty into question.

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

I disagree with unanimity.

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Avoid Alliteration…Always.

Prepositions are not words to end sentences with.

One should never generalize.

Avoid cliches like the plague.

Analogies in writing are like feathers on a snake.

Profanity sucks.

I have a twin brother; he’s identical, but I’m not.

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Death to all fanatics!

An oral contract isn’t worth the paper its written on.

If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure.

I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous!

I always wanted to be a procrastinator!

Rehab is for quitters!

The shortest distance between two points is how far apart they are.

Don’t be redundant by repeating yourself.

Grammar has gots to be one of the most importantest things ever?

My identity lies in not knowing who I am.

I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn’t enough
anxiety in my life.

I have this nagging fear that everyone is out to make me paranoid.

Free advice is worth what you paid for it.

Entropy just isn’t what it used to be.

I keep telling myself that I am a pathological liar, but I am
not sure if I believe it.

There are only three kinds of people; people who can count and
people who can’t.

Reality is a big, nasty, vicious dragon, but I don’t believe in
dragons.

Life is full of uncertainties…or I could be wrong about that?

Not only am I redundant and superfluous, but I also tend to use
more words than necessary.

Always remember you’re unique…just like everyone else!

* My kid made the honor roll at Bill Gates Summer Camp.

* We’re staying together for the sake of our Web Site.

* I don’t lie, cheat or steal…except when I’m accessing
Pentagon files.

* My kid can out HTML program your kid.

* I brake for incoming e-mail on my Mercedes laptop.

* If a computer owner’s money could talk, all it would say
is goodbye.

* Wang user in trunk.

* Computer repair is an oxymoron.

* No, you didn’t see a computer just like mine at the history
museum last week.

* No modem. Already stolen.

* My mother-in-laws Web Site is http://www.realwitch.com.

* The worst day on the Net is better than the best day really
working at the office.

* Happiness is seeing the photo of the guy who miss-installed
your system files on a milk carton.

* For the home office computer user: Artificial intelligence
beats stupid co-workers any day.

* My wife says that if I spend one more weekend enhancing my
homepage, she’s going to leave me… I sure am going to miss her.

The Pope is visiting town and all the residents are dressed
up in their best sunday clothes. Everyone lines up on main
street hoping for a personal blessing from the Pope.

One local man has put on his best suit and he’s sure the Pope
will stop and talk to him. He is standing next to an
exceptionally down-trodden looking bum who doesn’t smell
very good. As the Pope comes walking by he leans over and
says something to the bum and then walks right by the local man.

He can’t believe it, then it hits him. The pope won’t talk to
him, he’s concerned for the unfortunate people the poor and
and feeble ones. Thinking fast, he gives the bum $20 to trade
clothes with him. He puts on the bums clothing and runs down
the street to line up for another chance for the pope to stop
and talk to him.

Sure enough, the Pope walks right up to him this time, leans
over close and says “I thought I told you to get the hell out
of here!”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their
prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his
lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…” His older brother leaned over and
nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting
your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother
replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

Two young boys were spending the night at their grandparents.
At bedtime, the two boys knelt beside their beds to say their
prayers when the youngest one began praying at the top of his
lungs. “I PRAY FOR A NEW BICYCLE… I PRAY FOR A NEW NINTENDO…
I PRAY FOR A NEW VCR…” His older brother leaned over and
nudged the younger brother and said, “Why are you shouting
your prayers? God isn’t deaf.” To which the little brother
replied, “No, but Gramma is!”

Two gays decide to have a baby. They mix their sperm, then
have a surrogate mother artificially inseminated. When the
baby is born, they rush to the hospital. Two dozen babies
are in the ward, 23 of which are crying and screaming. One,
over in the corner, is smiling serenely.

A nurse comes by, and to the gays’ delight, she points out
the happy child as theirs. “Isn’t it wonderful?” Brad exclaims.
“All these unhappy children, and ours is so happy.”

The nurse says, “He’s happy now. But just wait until we take
the pacifier out of his ass.”

RAMBLING THOUGHTS….

I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing
husbands on beer cans!

I was thinking about old age and decided that it is when
you still have something on the ball but you are just too
tired to bounce it.

I thought about making a movie for folks my age and call it
“Pumping Rust”

I have found at my age going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles
out of my face.

I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a
whole lot more as they get older then it dawned on me . . .
they were cramming for their finals.

You know when people see a cat’s litter box, they always say,
“Oh, have you got a cat?” Just once I wanted to say, “No,
it’s for company!”

I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little
tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use.
Perhaps toothpicks?

Employment application blanks always ask who is to be notified
in case of an emergency. I think you should write . . .
A Good Doctor!

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office?
What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don’t
they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the
mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?

I thought about being rich and it don’t mean so much . . .
Just look at Henry Ford, all those millions and he never owned
a Cadillac!

If you jogged backward . . .would you gain weight?

Wonder what you call a pocket calculator in a nudist camp?

I wonder if Adam ever said to Eve, “Watch it! There are plenty
more ribs where you came from!”

I have decided that Nostalgia is the VCR of our minds.

A penny - so you’ll never have to say “I’m broke.”

Two marbles - for the times you think that you
have lost all of yours.

A flower - don’t forget the time to smell them.

A rubber band - so you can stretch beyond your
limits.

An eraser - because nobody’s perfect.

A Tootsie Roll - to remind you not to bite off more
than you can chew.

A candle - to remind you to shine brightly.

Matches - to delight your fire when you feel
“Burned Out.”

A ribbon - so you can tie up all the loose ends.

A hug and kiss - to remind you that you are loved.

A bag - so that you can keep it all together.