Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house Nothing
would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I’d nibbled, the eggnog I would taste At the holiday
parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store it was less a walk than a lumber.
I remembered the marvelous meals I’d prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rare,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I’d never said, “None for me, please.”
As I dressed myself in my husband’s old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt—
I said to myself, as only I can
“You can’t spend another winter disguised as a man!”
So — away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won’t have a cookie — not even a lick.
I’ll chew only on long celery sticks.
I won’t have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I’ll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I’m hungry, I’m lonesome, and life is a bore
But isn’t that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, life’s no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!

Michael jackson’s in court and it time for him to make the oath, so the judge say’s to michael swear on the bible So he say “I’m Fucked”

Also when they lead him away to jail i wonder if he’ll scream “I would have got away with it it weren’t for those pesky kids”

Some Words of Wisdom…

The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once.
I didn’t fight my way to the top of the food chain to be a vegetarian.
Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.
Your kid may be an honor student, but you’re still an idiot.
If we aren’t supposed to eat animals, why are they made with meat?
Few women admit their age and few men act theirs.
I don’t suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it.
It’s lonely at the top, but you eat better.
LOVE: Two vowels, two consonants, and two fools.
According to my calculations, the problem doesn’t exist.
Some people are alive only because it is illegal to kill them.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Forget about world peace…Visualize using your turn signal.
WARNING: Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We have enough youth. How about a Fountain of Smart?
Make it idiot-proof and someone will make a better idiot.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
Always remember you’re unique. Just like everyone else.
LOTTERY: A tax on people who are bad at math.
PURITANISM: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
CONSCIOUSNESS: That annoying time between naps.
We are Microsoft. Resistance is futile. You will be assimilated.
There are 3 Kinds of people: Those who can count and those who can’t.
Why is “abbreviation” such a long word?
Ever stop to think, and then forget to start again?
DIPLOMACY: The art of saying “nice doggie!” until you can find a rock.
Lead me not into temptation…I can find it myself.