Follow the directions carefully.

1. Disrobe and stand by your keyboard. Rest your left
testicle in the rounded hollow on top of the “1″ key.
Rest your right testicle in the key immediately below
that (the Q key on a standard keyboard, probably
something different on the Dvorak keyboard. You lumber-
jacks may have to use the A or even the Z key).

2. Grasp your penis in your right hand and slap it firmly
across the number key row on your keyboard. (For
instance, the result could be “1234567890-+”)

3. Place a copy of Playboy open to the centerfold at a
distance of 2.5 feet. Rest your penis on the keyboard
and stare intently at the girl pictured for five minutes
or until your feet leave the ground. Repeat the above
test.

Cautions:

1. Do not attempt this test after swimming. You will skew
the results.

2. If you try this test on a public keyboard, you may want
to swab it down with alcohol first.

3. On some keyboards, severe sparking may result. Be sure to
keep a fire extinguisher handy, and DON’T BE AFRAID TO
USE IT. Test can also be used to diagnose some genital
disorders:

Test Results Diagnosis

1 — You suffer from Short Penis Syndrome

12367 — You have a strange gap in your penis

12efgbn — Your penis has a right hand bend; sometimes
called Jerker’s Lean.

12wgui,l=3D]\ — Seek immediate medical care.